food, Health, Sacred Space, Uncategorized

Health, Love and Money….

My grandfather always used to say that him and his wife had figured out the success to a happy life and a happy marriage: “Health, love, and money, in that order” he says.

This blog today is to talk about HEALTH, the bases for heaving good love, and good wealth, really, because without a strong sense of health and strength, what good are the other two, anyway?

​I have spent years trying to figure out how to be “healthy”? It seems to be a mysterious far away, lofty ideal that no one has truly mastered.  Some know more than others, but it does come down to truly knowing your own body and lifestyle

After blowing out my adrenals in college, and burning the candle at both ends, it has taken me at least ten years to catch up on sleep… and to teach myself how to eat PROPERLY and not give into temptation every time cheesecake comes calling.

Something else I’ve realized they don’t teach you in grade school (let alone college) is how and when to take your vitamins.  Now, I do NOT proclaim to be a nutritionist; rather this is simply an example of a regiment that, coupled with proper diet and exercise, can lead to a better you.  At the very least, it’s something to think about.

One really could drive themselves crazy over-thinking when and what to eat with what other food combinations in order to promote the best longevity.  Of course, you have to take into account the fact that some people eat meat, others don’t, some fish only, some vegans, etc…. which some would say might be attributed to blood type. (If you do some research, one will find that type 0 blood type is suggested to eat more meat than others…)

Do what you want with your food life, as long as it works for you.  All of that aside, after suffering some extreme fatigue, I came to discover that I have been prone to bacterial overgrowth that has been destroying all of my nutrients!  These guys, that live in your intestines, eat all of your food before the vitamins can hit the blood stream!  They got out of control because of SURPRISE: Antibiotics!  And it’s been a lot of hard work getting ahead of it, and the proper bacteria back in place via pro-biotics and other vitamins.As I became increasingly aware of what nutrients I was getting, when and from what, and slowly surely, the fatigue cloud is lifting.  Cutting out carbohydrates and glutton helped a lot, along with this powdered herbs I discovered (https://theinterstellarplan.com Discount Code: sg151) which I take daily.  But yes, I have become a slave to my vitamin regiment. When I saw my grandfather’s pill containers as a little girl, I never thought that would be me!  But alas, I have even discovered these tiny Macaron shaped pill containers for travel, that are a stitch.

In the end, it’s not what you carry them with, but it’s what you put into your body that matters, and WHEN!  They don’t tell you in school is that magnesium when taken with other nutrients can prevent them from going into your body, and other tips like this.

I have developed a list below of vitamins, supplements and minerals that I take and at what time.  This is simply based off of some simple google searches and what I determined was best for me.  If you’re serious about your health, then take an hour to look up what vitamins and minerals you are taking and when to take them.

Pro-biotic first thing in the morning along with my maca and interstellar herb tea
METHYL B12 morning under the tongue
Multivitamin Morning pre-meal
B5 with calcium morning meal (three times a day!)
Mineral supplement morning meal (made of dried alfalfa juice and kelp)

Vitamin C twice a day morning meal

Folic Acid morning meal
Fiber mid afternoon (usually in a shake)
B5 with calcium Lunch meal
Dandelion root mid afternoon (sometimes, not always)
Vitamin D evening meal
Vitamin E evening meal
Vitamin C evening meal
B5 with calcium evening meal

After dinner Activated Charcoal (if tummy hurts)

 L-tryosine evening (sometimes)

Zinc before bedtime
Iron before bedtime
Primrose before bedtime
Collagen at Bedtime
Magnesium RIGHT before bed

_________________________________________

On top of the regular self-care supplements I ritualize, then there’s what happens when you get sick.  Many people have posted lately about the flu and colds, and what to do when you fall ill.  Here is my protocol:

Three times a day add in:
Lysine
Echinacea

Golden seal

Turmeric tea with raw honey, hot pepper and lemon

Roasted garlic eat EIGHT cloves straight (delicious on bread) OR cut up raw garlic and swallow two cloves minced whole.

Elderberry Syrup 

Osha Root Tincture

Epsom salt bath with tea tree oil and eucalyptus
Ravansara essential oil under the toes at night before bead

_________________________________________________________

Again, I will say that I am NOT a trained professional, and what is right for me may not be right for you at all depending on your genes, your history and your body type.  Do the research for what is right for you, and always be learning and growing.  It doesn’t hurt to ask.  Feel free to ask away in the comment sections, and together we can find the right resources for any question you might have, or ailment that may be affecting you.  Chances are, there is a natural herb remedy for any symptom that might be afflicting you.  If you ARE going to go the antibiotic way (and certainly there is good use for these types of treatments) BE CAREFUL.  Do the research on how to properly adapt your body into healthy homeostasis before it’s too late.

Remember, that in order to change the world, you first have to change yourself.

MissConcious

 

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Evolution, food, Happenings, Holidays

Halfway There – #Whole30

I’ve never been one to jump on the diet bandwagon, so when I started this whole process of ‘cleansing’, I wanted to do it MY way, as I usually do. I had heard a lot about the Whole30 elimination diet, and it just felt right to me at this time, so I jumped in.

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After spending three years being a gypsy wandering Jew nomad, I finally decided to cool off, and with that came a boat load of self-care, grounding and the development of healthy rituals.  Having a low functioning immune system, I can never take too much pre-emptive care of my body (and I can never STRESS enough to young people how important it is to not let your health get away from you.  I sound just like my mother…)  I’ll be the first to tell anyone about the immune boosting properties of elderberry syrup, methal-vitamin-B12, probiotics of course, proper essential oils usage, epsom salt baths, osha root tincture, raw garlic shots, and then these incredible powerful herb blends I’ve been toying with to fight adrenal blow out… check those out here and use my promo code for a discount: sg151 … but that’s all for other blog post.  THIS post, is simply about FOOD.

 

Basically the idea of the program is that you clean out your system, only eating whole, healthy foods for 30 days. That means no sugar, no carbs, no dairy, no additives or preservatives, no alcohol, no THC, basically no toxins. Period. Seemed reasonable enough…. mind you, I was up for a challenge.

It has been years since I decided to really clean my system out… I’d do a week or two here, no alcohol there, but never had I given up dairy and carbs and sugar all at once.

I have to say, this process has been the easiest most difficult thing I’ve ever done. Let me explain.

I’m really mostly an all or nothing kind of girl. Once I set my mind to something, few things can get in my way, except myself, of course. And believe me, I’ve tried to talk myself into quitting since day one… but something tells me this is going to be worth it.

After the ridiculously extravagant holiday season of eating and drinking freely, pared with all the negativity and general malaise that comes with winter time, I decided January 1st to embark on this cleansing journey. Showing up is the hardest part, right? And to show up, you have to prepare.

Never in my life have I been so tied to a food processor. I bought new spices I had never had in my pallet; other ingredients on my grocery list included: ghee, dairy and gluten free mayo, ridiculous amounts of coconut milk and vegetables, and a slew of other foreign ingredients that were permitted. I even bought FRUIT (gasp… I really don’t care for fruit).

One of the illustrated ‘perks’ of this ‘diet’ (and I HATE to call it a diet, because it’s really just eating HEALTHY) is not the emphasis on losing weight, but the focus on reshaping your relationship with food. So far, my shopping skills have improved dramatically, as well as my meal planning, portioning and recipe book. Turns out, cooking HEALTHY is challenging, but I’m enjoying it! And without the alcohol or other distracting activities, there’s not much else to focus on.

While you CAN eat bacon (and I have), this particular meal plan forbids beans or grains of any kind, so no hummus, no quinoa, and no rice, of course. That’s probably the hardest element to overcome… though innately hummus and beans and legumes aren’t BAD for you, the idea is that you are breaking the not-so-good habits that go along with resorting to these simple foods. Rice is an obvious filler to avoid, but with the beans and quinoa, the reason to avoid them is very different:  Quinoa is a seed and contains lectins and saponins which are gut irritants. It also can interfere with absorption of other good nutrients so essentially they get in the way of your healthy digestion. Bye bye hummus 😦 Hello Tahini (recipe below)

Overall, for me personally, the goals are three fold. 1. To break some old habits and form new ones. 2. To reset my digestive system and teach my body how to burn fat differently. 3. To see if the glutton and sugar and dairy buffet I’ve become so accustomed to is what is causing some of my fatigue issues. My doctor said to cut them out for a month, so I’m giving it a go, and long overdue.

Like I said, this has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done… which is why I have to keep going. If my body was THAT addicted to sugar and grains (and I eat pretty healthy generally, without giving it a lot of thought) then think of what it could be doing running at 100%.

It’s been ‘easy’ in a sense that I know in my heart I’ve got to do it. End of story. No questions asked, even when I want to give up, that’s when I have to push harder. And it’s been HARD in all the ways you can imagine… The other night I was dreaming about eating Subway (I don’t even like Subway!) and in my dream I thought “Wait, you can’t eat white bread!” Going to Chipotle (yes, with a little research, you can still eat out) was quite possible the strongest testament of will I have faced yet. If you know me, you know that looking white stuff in the face and saying NO is almost impossible. (I’m talking about Sour Cream, silly. And that blessed cheese… ah, I digress)

But I was able to DO IT. I said no, and I still ate SOMETHING, and I survived. I have to admit I’m getting pretty sick of salad, but it feels good to know what I’m making good choices and not regretting it. Even with the headaches and brain fog and hormones going WACK, it’s still worth it (sorry about that Michael. At least he still likes my cooking…)

Today marks the two week milestone. Two more to go, and I feel like the real work is just beginning. I’ll be traveling these next few weeks, making food prep and planning even harder.

I keep reminding myself that the cravings and strong desires I’m having for CARBS is really my body’s old habits and parasites taking their last breaths. The idea is that my body will start burning FAT instead of sugar/carbs, and I’ll walk away from this with a better attitude about what I put into my body. Big changes, baby steps.

Thank you Adina for inspiring me to take this journey, and for anyone who has shared recipes and ideas on how to make it to the other side. Emily with her cashew cream cheese about saved my life. I found seed crackers, with the cheese and raw salmon and on everything bagel w/ lox and capers craving was at least curbed, for now.

I don’t intend to do this forever. But I welcome some new habits and am excited about making better choices in the future.

I’ll post a few of my favorite recipes below.

If you’re thinking about doing a cleanse, don’t be intimidated. It doesn’t have to be the Whole30 right now. But you should do some research, pick something that sits right for you, and make sure you’re not doing more harm that good. Crash diets don’t work if you just crash and burn right back to your old habits. Self care starts with you wanting to take care of you. Be gentle with yourself and listen to your inner voice… which is a lot easier when you cut out all the crap that was getting in the way.

Bon appetite, ma famille!

Tikka Masala
Buffalo Balls
Homemade Marinera Sauce
Cashew Cream Cheese
Tahini
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<3,
MissCompost

PS. I MISS CHEESE THE MOST

 

Burn, HappeningsEvents, Sacred Space, social justice

Burners Without Borders

Burners Without Borders, the non profit social justice faction of the Burning Man community, is a huge part of what makes being a burner a GREAT thing in our world.  Most of you are familiar with the ten principles that are guidelines to participating in this culture with compassion.  This time of year, gifting, radical inclusion, immediacy and communal effort are all a big  part of taking care of our community, while we also have some fun!

Being homeless in the winter could be compared to camping at Black Rock in the cold, except often those who are homeless don’t know where to get food or warmth because they don’t have a neighbor with a big pot of chili and a fire to share. Their coat and socks may be wet and there’s no way to get them dry.  There are many little items things this that we can donate and give directly to the homeless, like camping gear, clean and dry socksc meals, coats, hats and gloves, to help ease the difficulties of winter in the Midwest.

Guess what?  The Midwest regional burn INTERFUSE is having a kick-off party in Kansas City in January and the event is called IGNITION!  At the event happening on January 20th, at Prohibition Hall in Kansas City we are collecting these items listed below to help those in need.  Save the date and start planning what you can give.

Here is a complete list of what we are collecting:

Fall & winter clothing – coats, jackets, pants, long sleeve shirts, flannel, coveralls, shoes/boots, socks, undies (these need to be new), gloves, scarves, hats, handwarmers, tarps, blankets, sleeping bags and bed rolls.

Toiletries – toothpaste, toothbrushes, mouthwash, soap, deodorant, shampoo/conditioner, chapstick, tp, lady items – travel sizes work well.

Food items – anything individual serving – oatmeal packets, hot chocolate packets, granola bars, peanut butter, fruit cups, cup of soup, etc.

Another idea: You can keep these types of items in your car along with bottled water and give them out to people that they meet as well who might be in need.  Being a burner isn’t just about GOING to a burn, but it’s about taking our beloved principles and kindness out into the world and spreading that love to those around us.

One point of sensitivity is to always be very gentle and when offering these items.  Never assume that anybody needs anything, but rather, just suggest that you are there handing out items to anyone around, and let the recipient pick what they want to take, with dignity.

Thank you for accepting this mission, and BWB looks forward to seeing you at the Ignition event in January.  Make sure you join the Interfuse facebook page to stay up to date and participate in our Midwest Burners BWB group: Burners without Borders heartland working group.

If all of this burner jargon isn’t making much sense, check out the Burning Man website and see where you can get involved!

For more information on the Ignition collection drive, please contact ​Amber Andkazi at Pogothepit1@yahoo.com.

<3,
MissCulture

Sacred Space, social justice

Recycling: How To Talk Trash

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Spending time in California has brought my attention to the never-ending world of consciousness, namely involving TRASH.  Not only has California mostly gotten rid of plastic bags in grocery stores, where they charge you extra to get a paper grocery bag.  It is amazing though, that  EVERYWHERE you go, there are not just one, but THREE options for trash.  You can either trash it, compost it, or recycle it.  What a beautiful thing!

Literally, almost any place there is a trash can, there are at LEAST two options (sometimes composting is left out), meaning that trash OR recycling is available just about everywhere. Raising awareness is key in a world where trash matters… but what do you do if you don’t KNOW what goes where?

I find that often, people don’t know what goes in which bin.  Are straws recyclable?  What about disposable coffee cups?  Should you throw meat in the compost?   All of these questions are valid and should be addressed so that we can better take care of our community and our planet.  I did some research, and here is what I found worth reviewing.

METALS

Always recycle foil and aluminum (duh). Make sure foil is CLEAN, or reuse it as much as you can. Consider buying 100% recycled aluminum foil. You’ll be supporting a process that uses five percent less energy than the traditional aluminum foil manufacturing process.

Always recycle steel or tin cans.  Recycling steel saves at least 75% of the energy it would take to create steel from raw materials. That’s enough energy to power 18 million homes.

PAPER

Always recycle cardboard, of course! Currently, about 70 percent of cardboard-boxes shipped commercially are recovered for recycling.

Magazines: About 45 percent of magazines are being recycled today. Recycled magazines are used to make newspaper, tissues, writing paper and paperboard. Recycling just one ton of paper saves enough energy to power the average American home for six months, so don’t be afraid to recycle your old magazines. It’s the right thing to do.

Office Paper:  Just over 45% of office paper is recovered for recycling today.  High-grade papers, such as white computer paper, bond, and letterhead, can be turned back into office paper if it’s kept separate from other waste paper. It can also be used to produce tissue paper, paperboard, stationery, magazines and other paper products.  Lower-grade papers, such as newsprint, colored paper, file stock and ground wood papers, are made into cardboard, tissues, newspaper and toilet paper.

Office Tip: If your company generates a large amount of waste paper, consider talking to your local recycling company about whether or not you should sort high-grade papers from lower-grade.

Newspaper is a fine insulator. Using recycled newspapers to produce cellulose insulation is widespread.

Newspapers, Wilderness Restoration and Roadside Planting:  Every year natural disasters destroy countless acres of wilderness. The United States Forest Service uses “hydro-mulching,” also called “hydro-seeding,” to help restore damaged areas. It’s a planting process that’s been practiced in the United States since the 1950s – and it all starts with newspapers.  Recycled newspapers are made into a fiber mulch and mixed with grass seed, fertilizer, green dye, and water to create a “slurry” that can be pumped over broad areas by pressure sprayers, airplanes or helicopters. This process is called “hydro-mulching.” It stabilizes roadside dirt for erosion control and is used to reseed grass over broad areas. Highway departments also use it to beautify roadsides by planting wildflower, tree, and shrub seeds.

Clean Paperboard: Be sure the paperboard you have is clean and free of food waste. Then recycle it.

Paper cardboard dairy and juice cartons: Also called “gable-top cartons,”these are the non-plastic milk and juice cartons you see in the refrigerated section of the supermarket.

Phone Books and Unsolicited direct mail: RECYCLE IT!

GLASS

Most glass bottles and jars produced in the United States now contain at least 27% recycled glass – which also saves on energy to produce glass made from new materials. Some glass cannot be made into other products, or doing so is not economically feasible.  Colored class can only ever be that color of glass. If your local recycler doesn’t participate in glass recycling, it’s due to the market for that glass being very small or non-existent. However, if glass recycling is available, it’s important to keep in mind as you recycle that even small amounts of some materials mixed in can contaminate entire loads. Find out more about the types of glass and how they are recycled below.

Clear glass may cause some products to degrade because of light exposure. That’s why about 39% of the glass produced is colored. Colored glass protects the container’s contents from direct sunlight, thus preserving freshness and flavor.  About 7% of glass containers produced in this country are green in color.  Some curbside programs and recycling centers take only certain colors of glass. That’s because manufacturers who buy the glass have to maintain the integrity of the color when producing new glass.

Not all glass can be recycled. The following items should not be placed into your recycling bin:

  1. Any glass contaminated with stones, dirt, and food waste
  2. Ceramics, such as dishware, ovenware, and decorative items.
  3. Heat-resistant glass, such as Pyrex.
  4. Mixed colors of broken glass.
  5. Mirror or window glass.
  6. Metal or plastic caps and lids.
  7. Crystal.
  8. Light bulbs.
  9. Cathode-ray tubes (CRTs) found in some televisions and computer monitors.

PLASTICS

Does that plastic lunch container still have yesterday’s pizza in it? Don’t recycle it until it’s clean! One dirty product, or one with food waste still in it, can contaminate an entire bale, containing thousands of pounds of collected plastics. This can cause thousands of recyclable items to go to a landfill instead of being recycled. Cleanliness is essential. And do NOT RECYCLE PLASTIC BOTTLE CAPS!

Plastics come in a variety of shapes, colors and chemical formulations – all with different recycling needs. The code number does not mean the plastic can be recycled. It is simply a way to identify the resin, or plastic type. How can you tell what kinds of plastic to put into your recycling bin? The code number on the bottom of your product is not a reliable indicator of whether something can get recycled. Recycle by shape!

Bottles, jars, and jugs – is the best way to know what is accepted. Plastic grocery and produce sacks are commonly placed in recycle bins. These bags can shut down an entire recycling plant and should be kept out of our recycling bin. Plastic bags are often collected in barrels at grocery stores, and usually end up as plastic lumber.

BATTERIES AND BULBS

American households are full of items we should recycle, even if we can’t put them into our recycle bins. Car batteries, products that use household batteries, incandescent light bulbs, and new CFLs (compact fluorescent lights) are some of them. In the United States, a CFL can save over $30 in electricity costs over the lamp’s lifetime compared to an incandescent lamp. However, CFLs contain mercury, which can be harmful to humans and the environment if not disposed of properly.

Many automotive retailers will take back batteries. You can contact your local municipality to find out where to recycle lead-acid batteries. If you’re using more than about a dozen disposable batteries in a year, you could save money by switching to rechargeables. If you still have old batteries on hand that may have been manufactured before 1997, it’s likely they contain mercury. Contact your municipality for information on how to safely recycle them or go here.

ELECTRONICS

Do it properly! Electronics that are obsolete, broken, and destined for recycling or disposal are sometimes called “e-waste.” There are many chemical and mineral elements in e-waste. A circuit board contains copper, gold, silver, platinum and palladium, as well as lead. If recycled properly, this waste is a valuable source of secondary raw materials. These items include cell phones, computers, TVs and office equipment.

The following items are not commonly recycled through e-waste recycling programs. They are usually recycled through other programs. Contact your local municipality to find out how to properly dispose of them:

  • Microwaves
  • Smoke Alarms/Detectors
  • Fire Alarms/Detectors
  • Thermometers
  • Large Appliances (Refrigerators, etc.)
  • Non-Decontaminated Medical Equipment
  • Any unit with Sludge or Liquids

Source for Above: http://www.wm.com/thinkgreen/what-can-i-recycle.jsp

Three things most people forget to recycle:
1. Plastic Wrap and  Sandwich Bags

2. Plastic Straws and Disposable Drink Cups
Most plastic straws are made of polypropylene (#5 plastic), and home recycling programs sometimes accept this type of plastic. As for to-go cups, typically all-plastic ones (like those that iced coffees are served in) are recyclable, but the waxy coated paper ones, such as soda cups from a fast-food place, are not. No matter what, be sure to check with your waste hauler to make sure it’s accepted.

3. Receipts

A good to know fact is that most gas station trash cans are ACTUALLY recycle cans, according to my good friend Andy Smith.  I’ve yet to see any information backing that up.  Bottom line, when you clean our your car make sure the recyclables go into the recycling can!

Lastly, when it comes to composting, contrary to popular belief, you CAN put meat into a compost bin (assuming it’s okay with the owner of the bin.)  The problem is that it will start to smell and attract flies and maggots (as well as neighborhoods cats and dogs possibly). It also slows down the composting process.

The more you know…

I throw things away now, and I have to stop and consciously think about WHAT is this product and WHERE should it go. Is it clean?  Is it worthy of the recycling process?  Am I doing my part to cut down on my carbon footprint?

-MissCompost

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Evolution, Holidays, Religion, Sacred Space

Holy Days

Every since I was a little girl, I felt quite “spiritual”.  I remember reading the book Conversations with God when I was about 10, and was super inspired!  I thought spiritual was “normal”.  “Everyone feels like this, right?”

Truth is, I also believed in Santa Clause until I was about five, even though my parents raised me essentially Jewish. They always gave me a choice though.  You see, my mothers’ mother was Catholic, and she was the most devout, faithful person I knew, going to Church religiously, and making these  holy days very special for us grand-kids.  Even though the whole rest of the family was Jewish, and I was Jew-ish, I remember always admiring her strength in her own spirituality.  I never once questioned my own center of belief, and I knew that the spiritual inkling inside of me, even at five-years-old, was sacred.

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My father broke the news about Santa that Christmas eve, explaining that it wouldn’t make any sense to the kids at the Jewish Day school I attended if I started talking about Santa.  Broken heartedly, I agreed.

Growing up, my parents taught me that God is everywhere; we are all God and God is inside of us. I learned later in life about a Kabbalah concept: “God is a Verb”.  I discovered that in a magical book, that jumped out of my Rabbi’s shelf and info my psyche almost ten years ago.  What a blessing to find all of these concepts and ideas about spiritutalty swimming around in my mind, inside a book!  A Jewish book, none-the-less.

Facts: Judaism is built on three pillars: Torah, Study and Acts of Loving Kindness.  When you do a good deed, or a mitzvah, it’s considered a holy act.  Doing an anonymous holy act is one of the greatest mitzvot one can do.  (Side note: having sex on the Sabbath is considered THE holiest act possible.  At least the Jews had some things right.)

Now, despite my very intense relationship with Judaism, I’ve always loved Christmas time, even though in my core, I am a Jew.  I was raised Jewish, I speak Hebrew, I’ve worked at a synagogue for ten years, I’ve been to Israel and my dad keeps Kosher.  Though some extremely religious people would tell me I need to convert, I laugh to myself because I know in my core, I am what I am, what I have always been, and that is love.

Every year, holiday cheer always brightens me up inside, especially during these dark winter days, because it is a time for our families to come together and cherish one another.  It’s a time to pause, reflect and give thanks for these precious experiences.  It’s a time to celebrate light, even in the dark.  Though for some, undoubtedly, the holidays can be a very rough and depressing time.

I have a theory about spirituality and ‘religion’; it’s really all about nostalgia.  If you have a strong fond memory of holiday times with your family as a younger person, then chances are you really like this time of year as an adult, because it reminds you of those happy memories.  If you didn’t much like your family, or your Church much as a kid, then chances are Christmas time makes you gag, and that’s okay, too.

Whatever these times mean for you, I do hope you will choose to spend time with people you care about.  If you’re alone, then cherish that sacred time to reflect, ground, center and embrace your place in life.  With our worlds spinning so fast and chaotically, a moment of quiet can be a true gift.
Though I still can’t really explain my faith, I enjoy every minute of it. I enjoy the woven stories we tell, learning about our histories and how they relate.

Here is a fine example of three different stories, each holding their own special meaning and traditions.  Enjoy!

<3,
MissConviction

Poetry, Sacred Space

I, too, am waiting…

 

I Am Waiting
A response to Lawrence Ferlinghettis’ I am Waiting

Preface: Since I have come to San Fransisco, every time I go by City Lights Bookstore, I walk in, hoping to meet my favorite writer, Lawrence Ferlinghetti.  I’ve yet to meet him, but this is a tribute to his influence as a poet and activist, and his magic still wandering this special city.  Thank you Lawrence.

…………………………………………………………………………………….

I have been waiting for you, since I rebuilt my womb,
with my mother, singing love songs in our native tongue,
that being English, I had to wait to become…

until age 3, about the time I could walk,
I waiting to learn the meaning of the infinitive verb “to wait” to talk…

at five years old, I prayed for my imaginary friends to take their turns riding Disney dialogues descending from my VHS, quality poor, I waited for Cinderella to stop waiting for her slipper and dress, so, what were you waiting for?

Still chipper, I waited for my charming Prince since age 8,
when I met a kindergarten version of myself inside a boy who chased me around a room, still waiting for his charming princess bloomed non-the-less ideally raised,

I kept them waiting.

During puberty, when my belly button sunk below my chest,
and I figured out how to use my hips and breasts, to sway their eyes,
just so they waited just below my heart between my thighs,
I waited for you without even trying.

Hungry, I waited out high school, not even knowing your name,|
but knowing you saw me every day beneath your eyelids,
channeling frustration into my dreams, I waited my turn patiently
behind my peers, watching their melodramas unfold before my untold waiting,
four years, I waited for your res-erection to disseminate all the pretty girls out and turn
to me.

I waited through college dormitories, inside bathroom stalls, revisiting concert halls, scratching your name into desks beside classrooms walls, tail curled.

Since I was a little girl, I can remember,
waiting tables for $2.13 an hour
hoping you will tip me a piece of your heart off your sleeve,
or at least a phone number, for a good time fall PLEASE
so I can stop waiting on these frat boys, torn jeans, dread heads,
even a few women with dreams of happening to wait upon you.

And I am almost through, waiting on these city streets,
trapped in subleases the middle of the United States
with the world revolving around yours and my fate
and I still cannot, will not find your face waiting back at me

so I wait..

Frustrated with Ferlinghetti, sad as Green Days, waiting for Guffman
and other five-year-old fairy-talers who wait with me,
people waiting like sheep for promises made
purely for surround sounds at home
so that maybe you can find somebody
instead of having to wait alone.

I still sit on my couch at home waiting for the chick-flick to end
so my tears can rightfully begin to pour
and I can know that so many mes wait for so many versions of you
to walk through that City Lights door,
we are all bracing ourselves, waiting through hell’s horrors
and then taking a break from that wait just to wait some more.

Waiting on park benches, lattes and cigarettes in hand,
waiting to exhale time and time again, waiting and willing
our souls to transcend, just as bewildered as mine,
see me still waiting for you to find me

and I am happily waiting forever and after for our souls to transcend
for that matter, see me still waiting for the pretend to end in rapture
until I can completely give into Saturn and

I CAN’T WAIT!

Finally,
I have been waiting for an epiphany.
For Abraham to finally talk to me.

Waiting for 2012 to bring wonder.
Waiting to meet my rain grandmother reincarnated into another…

See me still delving into the possibility of another virgin carrying the,
for I have been waiting on my knees for you, Manoe to take me PLEASE so WHAT?
Are you waiting for me?

I guess we will see?

Much love
they say
never dies
but prays
to above
for strength
in love
so I’ll wait.

With you. For you. Together. We’ll wait.

<3,
MissConception
www.themissconception.com

Evolution, Poetry, Sacred Space

A Love Letter

Dear New York,

How I’ve missed you. I know it’s been a while since I’ve seen your face and I am truly sorry.  You have not been forgotten. There are just other places I need to be right now. I hate to keep you waiting, but we must trust it is in food faith.

Oh, I miss your skin. I miss the way you smell, even before a shower. I miss your intoxicating allure in the evenings; the grunge and the dirt along with the beautiful city lights at night. You’ve always been a true romantic and for that I see potential. Most of all, I miss the way you hold my hand when I am afraid.

But I am never afraid of you. No, you are my inspiration. My muse. And I think of you often, wondering when will we meet again? Perhaps some day on a long awaited vacation? For dinner and a movie? Or maybe a more permanent fixture in the long term we could be together for real.

For now, California may have my soul, but you will always have my heart.

Take care. Stay strong. Eat your veggies and drink some tea for me and may it fill you with warmth and grace to know that even though we are far apart, we will always be together in spirit.

With love,
Sara