Art, Poetry

Concept of Insanity

Hello.

I would like to introduce you to myself … and all of my friends.

You know, the ones there living up inside my head, and they would tell you that they do believe that…

I have gone mad.

Started talking to myself imagine that imagining the cracks in my head are crumbling past corruption, mass destruction in-between my earlobes.  What’s if, my story goes untold?  If the path doesn’t unfold?  WHAT IF…. my brain starts to erode before it ever takes hold?

What if I am nuts?

The future so unclear.  I was always taught not to live in fear.
Keep it sweetly sincere and yes, I know, I am I am fucking WEIRD.

I mean look at me

I’m almost 32

and have what to show for myself?

Except an abundance of these memorized narcissistically sized ramblings considered a hobby. Who really cares?

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and doing the same thing over again and doing the same thing over again and expecting it to end differently, and I would say that true insanity doest ever end at all.  It just keeps going on and on and going on and on and going on like a black hole stuck

overwhelmed and brainsick with what I COULD be, what society thinks I should be, what my degree said I would turn out to be… well sorry ma, but confined lines just won’t do this time around. I’m through feeling crazy because I’m too racy to do it the same old way you say.  Same old sing-song… ding dong ding bat, I’ve defiantly gone mad.

Dementedly disturbed by all of these nouns and words and verbs I’ve yet to compose formally, the message is intensely clear so maybe immensely sheer when most of the time I can’t remember what I just said, I am an idiot at best, densely depressed but at the same time, the intensity suggested of my highly demented state has got me smitten with my own fate.

Maybe the best of them are crazy by default…

and a lot in life can be a lot of life that doesn’t have to make sense.  When you press two opposites together they are often more interesting than the present tense….

My digressional defense mechanism have become so unusually chatty, daftly unsound.

I like to think, that when a screw goes loose inside the mind, does it matter if anybody is really around to witness such maniacal madness.  Because if you don’t see it, you can pretend like it’s not happening.  Ignorance still torn between the two sides of my split person, personally, what a buggy fucking mess.

Call it art!

Asinine and insane as all nonsensical hell erupts.

I’ve got a one up on the unusual. Shining on like a crazy diamond.  Allowing the delusional to override on auto pilot down the rabbit hole on a crazy train.  yes, my screws are loose.  Might as well let em all hang out together….

And though I don’t remember exactly which crazy night when or where or why I went mad in the first place, now that this crazy bitch is gone… there’s no looking back.

_MissConfused_

Uncategorized

Are we there yet?

What happened to the age of Aquarius? 2012 dang came and went…
and there was just an eclipse last week.
It’s almost a full moon, and we’re clearly on an upswing
in this new age of accomplishment.  Have we leveled up?
Straightened the hellbent?

Certainly in many ways, sometimes everyday, sometimes not for months,
either way…
I thought we were on a path to enlightenment, a group effort towards heaven-sent.

G-d comes from within I was told.
So why is this new age babble getting so old

People keep giving me all these crystals
I still feel like, at times, they are worthless.
Other times, I hold them and pray, sure of it.
That’s why I started writing poetry
to figure out what in G-d’s name is really going on!

It feels like something is in retrograde all of the time,
sometimes I have control of this power of manifestation,
other times I’m totally dazed and confused in relation
to my cycle and how it syncs up with the moon and
how certain people can read my mind at times you might call it lunacy.

I call it divine intervention.

I do look at my horoscope when it’s conveniently in front of my face,
like in a newspaper, even when it’s out of date, it usually makes sense.
WHAT CAN IT MEAN?

I’ve got ten minutes to meditate, trying not to think of all the things I should be doing instead of sitting still.  I’m lucky if i can find 10 minutes a day to clear my chi will
the meditation still work if I have a hula hoop in my hand, and that’s kinda like meditation right?  Does that qualify? A moving mediation, music my alibi.

I think it’s kinda fun to OM.  Let’s try it?  All together, collectively, online…

Did you feel that, did our collective vibration just rise?

Or just drop by a slight percent since the screen is glaring on my eyes?

And this water turned into wine, I’ve been drinking nightly for quite some time, is it lowering my mastery or healing my soul-shine?

Is whisky a sin? according to the bible – where exactly does that come in?

Spirits are fine, even Maryjane makes an appearance in the oldest book of time and now pharmaceuticals are a dozen for a dime not mentioned in the original lines we wrote…

I wonder if every word is the word of god spoken and we were just obsessing over the first one we made, because it was so new and brave, then broken. An attempt to translate this reality for yours and my sakes’ so we could all get on the same page
and though we are different races maybe we could all remain believers in our own faith?

I just don’t know anymore… which way to look.  Which book to read. What tale to spin.

So the only place left to go…
is within.

_The Immaculate MissConception_

Hip Hop, Poetry, Sacred Space

I wish I could tell you

I wish I could tell you

How many times I’ve had

trouble remembering to breath

the act of forgetting can make one go insane.

I wish I could explain how frequency ripple

and how important it is to admit the truth nothing but the truth.

All the stories I’ve heard

From the holy book of gods word

All the fables and nursery rhymes I used to know

That one song on the radio

I wish I could remember.

All the details of WWI

It was important and our grandfathers fought for our sons

But I can’t seem to recall the details when asked in question

I wish I could tell you. Which herbs go with which ache.

Every misfortune I’ve made. I’ve come to terms with my mistakes

But there’s too many to name …

I wish I could relay

All the golden nuggets of wisdom

In Judaism teach you a few dirty Yiddish words or how kiddish works.

I thought I would never forget

what it’s like to be a kid

but the sheen has worn off and I’m already rusted soft and done did.

Maybe someday I’ll

be able to convey

what it feels like to know everything

in some way, at the same time

not remember anything at this rate.

When the lights are on but no ones home

Always waiting for a moment that will never come again.

All we can do is pray

Trust the universe is unfolding as it should

We are in motion

And nothing can stop this orbit

Might as well hold on and try to enjoy the ride

While we keep remembering…

Why we are here in the first place.

<3,
MissConception

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Uncategorized

On New Years Eve he looked at me and said he wanted to marry me.  I don’t care about a ring, or the date or the time or place…. In fact, I think we should proclaim our love for each other very day going forward! And I’m sharing this with you all on January 2nd so that you might understand what I mean.

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I wrote this for my love, Michael, AKA: Kiwi for Christmas 2016.  I titled it “Fuzzy” because he makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.  May we always be this happy and in love.  And may you all find love like this on your journey.

 

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HappeningsEvents, Sacred Space, social justice

Standing with Standing Rock

We all know the sorrow and chaos that is coming forth from the situation at Standing Rock, and if you aren’t  aware, you may have some research to do.  The injustice that is taking place over sacred land and sacred water in North Dakota, during this sacred ‘holiday’ season is NOT acceptable.  As a human race, it is our duty to make sure that our voices are heard loud and clear, with respect and peaceful determination.

Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time of families coming together to express gratitude.  What terrible irony that the very land the water protectors stand on was taken from the Native Americans many years ago, who are uniting to fight so nobly for the devastating Standing Rock Pipeline situation.  Haven’t we learned our lesson, America?  We once stood for freedom… I’d like to think that core is still engrained.

As a peaceful artist, activist, and woman, I recognize this is a huge opportunity, for those on both sides of this ‘fight’ to learn, grow, evolve, and become stronger as a tribe.  I only wish I had gotten involved sooner.  At first, I thought it didn’t apply to me. Now I realize, as more and more videos surface, that NOW IS THE TIME to stand up and look injustice in the face, any face.  The hardest part, is that we may have to show some grace, even in the face of oppression.

I am asking you to strongly consider supporting the Standing Rock movement, even more than you already have.  During this Thanksgiving, Christmas time, Hanukkah, New Year, or perhaps it is just another Friday night, whatever you choose to celebrate, please, PLEASE keep in mind all of those who do not get to be with their families during these dark times.  Keep in your hearts those who perhaps do not have family to visit, or who don’t have the means to visit them.  Please remember that while you may still be out, having fun, drinking merrily, there are still people living in FEAR for their lives.

No doubt, this year has been difficult.  The following months may be even more challenging.  Guilt trips are a thing of the past, but reality checks are happening every day.  Bottom line, if you can’t give money, or can’t actually go to Standing Rock, there are other ways to help:

PICK UP THE PHONE.  Of course.  Call the North Dakota governor, Jack Dalrymple, and give him a piece of your mind (701-328-2200). Call the Morton County Sherriff’s department (701-328-8118) and the North Dakota National Guard at (701-333-2000 and tell them to stand down. Call the White House at (202-456-1111) or (202-456-1414) and tell president Obama to rescind the Army Corps of Engineers’ Permit for the Dakota Access Pipeline.   Call the executives of the companies that are building the Pipeline: Lee Hanse Executive Vice President Energy Transfer Partners, L.P. (201-403-6455; Glenn Emery Vice President Energy Transfer Partners, L.P. (202-403-6762); Michael (Cliff) Waters Lead Analyst Energy Transfer Partners, L.P. (713-989-2404).  Call the Army Corps of Engineers and demand that they reserve the permit: (202-761-5903).

Also, you can contact the 17 Banks Funding The Pipeline and withdraw your money!  Wells Fargo and U.S. Bank are two of the biggest.  “You vote with your wallet, your dollar bill is your ballot” –Wookiefoot

Some of you have already tried calling, and will find that often the mail boxes are FULL. (This is a good thing!)  So what else can we do?

The Protectors Alliance is a “unified platform and partnership effort of all signed organizations, skilled workers, producers and individuals from the global festival community.  They are working as a Alliance providing solutions in service to solidarity for front line environmental crisis and social justice conflicts.”   And chances are, you have a skill or tool that can help.

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It’s getting colder.  Winterizations for the protectors is a key essential to the success of the action, and right now, you know that local organizations across the country are taking donations of blankets, warm coats, and even water proof scuba gear, etc.  Local firewood and food are also in high demand.

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Please, consider becoming a conscious ally in this Indigenous movement and showing your support NOW, however that looks for you.

If all that you can do is share a video online to help perpetuate this movement, THEN THANK YOU.  Kevin Gilbertt is an excellent online live news source at Standing Rock to follow.  Digital Smoke Signals is another good resource. Unicorn Riot has been active as well.

Again, take a look at the Protectors Alliance website and see how YOU can get involved and be useful.  This is an opportunity of a lifetime, on so many levels, to make a difference for the better… for all of us.  I look at this as not just an opportunity to defend sacred water and land, but to set the standard for how we treat any an all indecencies, whether it be racism, classism, sexism, or environmentalism.

Remember, the next seven generations count on us.  It’s a group effort to enlightenment.  We will NOT sit by and watch these injustices continue to breed hate.  We WILL look this oppression in the eye and PEACEFULLY demand respect, for as long as it takes.

Last week I visited an old friend, and  we communed in our own version of prayer for the waters and fires that are disrupting any flow in this world. For that above and so below. For the waters inside our bodies and inside pipelines. A prayer for understanding and compassion, that if we can’t stop this “Black Snake”, that perhaps one day the pipes being built one day may be useful and carry clean water.  We release anger.  The days of crude oil are coming to an end. May the fires of destruction be a blessing of new growth. Earth, wind, fire and water. North, South, East and West. Together, we are powerful beyond belief.

Here is a picture of our medicine wheel:

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With much respect,
MissConnection

Burn, social justice

Burners Without Borders – Louisiana Flood Disaster Relief

When the August 2016 “1,000-Year-Flood“ hit the state of Louisiana, no one could have known the extent of the damage that 29 inches of rain in 48 hours would do.  Rivers crested, water backup up, and in turn thousands of people were left homeless, with little to no end in sight to correct the mass amount of wreckage.

More than $8 million dollars and two months later, 20 out of the 64 hit parishes in Louisiana are still under a state of emergency, and one particular town, Denham Springs, still has a very long way to go.  Standing water continues to surrounds some buildings.  Caskets that were unearthed are slowly being reburied.  Grocery stores are still trying to reopen.  It’s a huge work in progress for the community, and their cry for help was heard by few.

Enter, the Life Church in Walker, La, who has opened their arms and doors to help with the cleanup, and community support.  Not only did the Life Church offer their sanctuary and building as a temporary place of refuge for flood victims, but they also immediately turned their gym into a distribution center, and for several months this community made it their mission to distribute and facilitate the distribution of all kinds of food, goods, clothing and appliances.

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As fate would have it, a group of Burning Man activists, we will call them ‘burners’, also heard the call that there was work to do in Louisiana, and thus began a symbiotic relationship between a Burning Man Project volunteer group: Burners Without Borders Louisiana Flood Relief and the Walker Life Church.  Burners Without Borders (BWB) started as an off-shoot of the Burning Man global community in 2005 during Hurricane Katrina, and recently joined into the new 501c3 Burning Man Project.  Different projects and chapters often pop up in times of need or crisis to do volunteer work in whatever capacity they are needed in various cities.  This particular group, made up of mostly Louisiana and Illinois burners gathered in Walker, LA at the Life Church to put together a team and go out into the field.  The likelihood of all of these specific people coming together was very special, especially considering that there is a .001% chance of this type of catastrophe happening, hence which it was named the “1,000-Year-Flood”.

The Life Church took to the BWB Louisiana Flood Relief community instantly, both groups priding themselves on being radically inclusive and self-reliant.  Burner volunteers staying at the Church took to helping Denham Springs community members with specific projects, such as cleaning up abandoned homes, hanging insulation, cleaning up lots and other projects.

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Additionally, an affiliated mardi gras group out of New Orleans called Krewe Ulysses began cooking 200+ meals every Sunday using the Life Church’s commercial kitchen.  Krewe Ulysses and other burners then would go out ‘into the field’ to distribute these meals and other supplies such as baby food, diapers, bottled water, and any other requests from those in need. Relationships were formed, and this work became very meaningful, for everyone involved.

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“Part of our job includes just talking to the people, helping them process and tell their story, so that they feel better emotionally…because they know they are cared for more than they even knew”, said Daniel Cappy, the founding logistics coordinator of the Burners Without Borders Louisiana flood relief project.

In particular, two neighborhoods had the most devastation, that being Magnolia Spings and Eastover.  Specifically the challenges that community members faced included house demolishing, removing debris, and ensuring that FEMA would be scheduled to haul away said debris before it turned hazardous.  Taking care of their families was another added challenge un top of all the rebuilding.

The biggest challenge: unattended piles of debris which often contain black mold and other dangerous materials that increase in toxicity after sitting for too long.  Often the residents would take to burning the piles in order to remove them, which led to even worse air quality and pollution in the neighborhoods.  “It truly looks like a refuge camp,” said Nikki, a Burner volunteer.img_8244-1

Life Church community member Duran estimates that about 35% of the work has been done as far as getting ‘back to normal’.

“I remember when the rain began…there was shock everywhere.  People running for their lives with clothes on their back. It came almost like a monster.  The rain went in circles, tributaries began to over flow and there was no downstream to match the upstream.  The Mississippi river had been at it’s crest since June, so there was nowhere for the water to go.  The divider walls on the interstate that the government just installed kept the water backed up,” said Duran during an interview at Life Church.  Duran thinks that the underlying problem not being addressed by authorities is the drainage system in Baton Rouge.

“You don’t get over this in a month or two,” Duran says, disheartened.  “People are trying to get back to normal and it’s going to take at least a year, and that’s pushing it.”  Duran got lucky in that he says he learned a lot from Katrina.  Not everyone paid as close attention.

Danielle from Eastwood had her new-born daughter taken away after the storm hit because she didn’t have a proper home in which to keep the young child.  The child is now in critical condition in the hospital, and Danielle is not allowed to stay with her.  While raising her other children and living with friends/family, she along with the Life Church and Burners Without Borders crew, made it a priority to clear the old wreckage in her lot and make space for the new FEMA trailer to come in.

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Miss Tina, another flood victim story, woke up in the middle of the flood with the water surrounding her bed up to the mattress and no one had come to get her.  She lost her life’s work, her car and her house in the storm.  To be eligible for her new FEMA trailer, she herself had to crawl up in the trees to cut down branches with a hand saw in order to meet regulations.  All that work and she’s still waiting on her trailer.

Duran, while he lost all of his clothes and possessions, he also is dealing with a legal battle, trying to get his car back from the repair shop that it was parked in when the storm hit.  Since the shop was closed for weeks after the storm, the store is now trying to charge him an outrageous ‘storage fee’ for having keep the car during the flood.  The politics so many are dealing with in order to get their lives back are increasingly difficult, which makes moving forward a huge challenge.

Many are still in hotels while they wait for their insurance checks, or for a new game plan if they didn’t have proper coverage. An elderly man, James, is another example of being a victim of an unfair circumstance.  His whole trailer had black mold up to the water line.  FEMA gave him $25,000 but the contractor he used took $15,000 of the money and then disappeared.  He’s now living in a hotel and has been scared to move forward with the rest of his money, which still isn’t enough to fix all the damage.

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Most people in Denham Springs and other counties think that FEMA and the Red Cross are not doing their jobs properly according to Duran.  He explained that the most FEMA will give out is $33,000 to fix your home, and most houses need at least $100,000 to fix the damage that’s been done.  The Red Cross appears to have people on the ground, but they are charging the government $8.50 a plate to feed thousands of people, according to the Life Church. That’s why the Life Church decided to feed people themselves, out of pocket.  They got very lucky in missing the water, and are trying to give back what they can.

When the rain started on August 12th and didn’t stop for three days, the Life Church was very afraid.  “The waters came up to within feet of our Church, but it didn’t flood,” said Paster Val of the Church, who is so grateful to have been able to provide a safe space for people to refuge.

The distribution center has just been closed in the last two weeks, and the needs of flood victims have shifted from personal items and food to specifically needing help rebuilding their homes.  Burners Without Borders volunteers reported that there are not enough construction workers in the area to complete the amount of work there is to do in a timely fashion.  There is only so much volunteering you can offer, and with the mortgage companies involved, licensed contractors must be employed to further repairs.

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Bottom line, if people have the skills and are able to travel to  Louisiana or the Carolinas, they are badly needed.  At this point having a license to work construction is a strong asset, but not necessary.  If you want more information on how to help with the flood relief, or to donate to Burners Without Borders Flood Relief, please contact Burners Without Borders Flood Relief at: Bwblouisiana@gmail.com

“Never think it can’t happen to you,” said Duran. “If this experience has taught me anything, it’s that it is so important to take care of your neighbors.”

Uncategorized

Missed Complexion

Almost every day I wake up and wonder “what do I look like today?” #facepalm

I’ll admit it.  It might sound silly, but it’s true.  New zits, veins and curves pop up on the daily, and I wonder more often than not, how can this be me?

Body image; it’s truly a MIND FUCK.  Engrained so tightly in our society, it’s become a sickness.  Young girls barely old enough to ride rollercoasters wearing more make up than I own.  Workout regimes and communities so overwrought with judgement it’s hard to muster up the courage to go to the gym.  Magazine covers and late night TV ads selling the next ‘cure’ for this ‘disease’.  The culture we have born and bread is oozing pressure, and I really have had a hard time wrapping my brain around where I stand on the sliding scale of beauty, as most women do, even when I’m the judge.

Sometime I catch a glimpse of myself and wonder, “where the hell did those thighs come from?”  Other times, my psyche is more gentle and I’m almost shocked thinking, “wow, you still got it, for 30”.  I definitely catch myself comparing what I’m working with to others bodies, and then quickly slapping myself on the wrist thinking “come on Sara, you’re better than this!”

I know there are plenty of women my age and older who still look STUNNING…  I STILL look stunning, right?  It shouldn’t matter, right?  But it does.  Please, save the overly eager rhetorics, this is not a plea for compliments, and I do have a point to make.

I asked my boyfriend today if I was getting too ‘old’ to wear a swimsuit.  When I said old, I really meant ‘fat’ and he knew that.  He kindly said, “if you feel good about it, rock the shit out of it until you don’t”.  So I put on my bikini and muttered “you’ll still tell me, when it’s too much, right?”

Right.  I see women every day, of all sizes confused about their image. I see petite women hiding in shame and bigger boned statues flaunting like they just don’t care, which is inspiring. I want to not care.  I used to not care…

Every since I can remember I was ‘skinny’.  In recent years, I’ve committed to being ‘skinny fat’.  I just don’t want to give up cheese, is what it really comes down to.  I don’t want to get up at 5 am and go running.  I kind of like having the munchies.  I don’t want to be miserable.  I don’t want to be afraid of a scale.  I want to be HEALTHY.

A few months ago, I was in Colorado, feeling FABULOUS.  I was wearing this shorter white jean skirt that I love and a black top (from It’s a Beautiful Day) that dips low in the back, kinda sexy.  I had done my yoga, put on make up,  dolled up my hair, and walking down the street to dinner some guy yells out of his car “put some clothes on”.  It stopped me in my tracks.

Those words have rung through my head repeatedly since… not obsessively, but just enough that they still echo occasionally.  He could have not even been talking to me.  He could have been angry he doesn’t have a woman.  He could have been right.

It’s not all the time that I worry about what I look like, but it amazes me how fast my own perception can change.  One minute I’m composed, passionate, entertaining on a stage and confident, smiling and getting bad looks from other women’s husbands for just being in the room. Then I get home, wash my face, catching a glimpse of myself as I climb into bed thinking “how can that be the same person?” and “What is wrong with me?”

I do know that I am a ferociously strong, beautiful and smart competent women, and that if I can have these thoughts, by Goddess I must not be alone.  

So I decided to say something about it, instead of hiding in shame; to admit it, to myself, if not to anyone else… Because it’s OKAY to feel discouraged.  It’s OKAY to feel deflated or bloated.  And it’s OKAY to be honest about what’s going on in our heads, let alone in our society.  If we can’t talk openly about what’s causing shame or doubt in our own methodology, we can’t be expected to be competent in fixing our political and social economics.

So here I am, my own walking MissConception, naked, on a page, for you to look at, or turn away from as you like.  Just know that if you’ve ever woken up and not known what you look like, at 15, even at 30, or 60, that’s OKAY.  Every day is a chance to make yourself over again, spiritually, emotionally, and physically.  It really is inside that matters, I keep reminding myself, and self-care is the best path I’ve found to connect the inside with the outside image.  Loving yourself unconditionally, whether that means mud masks and wine, or a once a month pedicure. #ladiesnight

I’ve taken an oath that since the Trump rein has descended, this is an opportunity to better my own life.   November 8, 2016, we awoke from a bad dream that wasn’t really a dream. Our waters and food are poisoned. Our air is unfit to breath. Hatred and bigotry and misunderstandings abound. The government is corrupt. No one trusts anyone, let alone the leadership. Information is to be weary of. Even prayer feels dead. It’s truly a nightmare. You know the story.

I figure, the only thing I can do is better ME. So I am making a pact. To do one thing everyday for myself that betters me, like streching most importantly, or exercise or other self care. And a pact to do one thing everyday that helps spread kindness/awarness to those around me that this world CAN be a good place, and we will NOT settle for this state of the union. Everyone seems to want to make America great again. Let’s start with individually, one by one, being the change. Give our ancestors and grandchildren someting to be proud of. I don’t pretend any of this is easy, or that there is only one right answer.  I just know that we must ‘eat the elephant one bite as a time’ as Papa Sidney would say, and press forward step by step. #wwsd #nodapl

WE MUST also EMPOWER each other, let alone ourselves ourselves, be it physically or emotionally, so that we can get through this time with as much grace and dignity that we can muster.  When someone looks lovely, TELL THEM.  When someone does something kind, THANK THEM. Go out of your way to let any objectified person know that paying attention to detail matters, and that you appreciate their strength, or light, or whatever you want to deem it.   This isn’t about complimenting materials, it’s about cultivating confidence.

Do you know how much easier it is to save the world when you know you look healthy doing it?  

This article might appear self-centered and vain, but it’s what women and some men deal with every single day.  We are not alone in this internal conflict.  And we all play a part in allowing each other to feel comfortable in our own skins, so that we may continue to make ourselves and the world a better place.  I believe in you.

Stay beautiful and stay honest,

MissComplexion

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www.themissconception.com