We’ve all been there. Brokenhearted. Dumped. Or the dumpeè. Single. Looking around at these pools of fish asking ourselves… “Am I ready to take the plunge? Ready to jump back into “The Game” of all games. The love connection. Am I ready to be honest? To be vulnerable. To be possibly shattered? To give up my freedom. To give up my side of the bed. Am I ready to snuggle? To make plans. Ready to listen to him snore. Ready to learn more. Am I ready to go it not alone?”
A wise women I know said: “Focus instead on all the reasons it’s so great not having drama in your space. How nice it is to be able to spread out in your soft and cozy bed. How you don’t have to answer or perform for someone you want to get rid of. Enjoy each moment where ever you are. It’s about acceptance in what is. It’s the only way to find happiness and to find someone who also knows how to find their own happiness.” And I get that you HAVE to do you and love you and own you before you can love someone else, of course…. but I’m sorry I’m not sorry that I can’t help feeling like a kid in a candy store… and yes, I’m STARVING.
Really, I was ready to start dating before I even broke up with my last serious relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I was madly in love with Him. I thought he was THE ONE. I wanted “him” to propose and get married and have babies and all that jazz, and I would have done it in a heartbeat if it hadn’t gone so sour. I truly did forget what it was like to be treated like a woman, but even before his chemical-induced infidelity kicked in, we were introduced to the poly scene. Some of our friends were doing it. They had healthy relationships and seemed to enjoy the company of themselves and of others very much so. And it seemed… admirable. I for one have never had much time to juggle one relationship with the rest of my lifestyle, let alone multiple ones, so I/we never considered it. (I mean we were open to a three-some, but you can’t plan those, if they are to be done right. #factsstraight) Moving on….
“Dating is like test driving cars, you never know for sure if you really like one till you buy it”… – Drew And sometimes, you sell it.. or you’re just renting, or stay only for a few nights. That’s where dating is at for me right now. When I was in my past relationship I thought about what it would be like to be with the same person for the rest of my life, and while that idea was romantic, it was also a little constricting. And then, all of a sudden, I found myself single, like so many before me, and actually very ready to mingle. And mingle I have! I am 30-years-old and for the first time in my life I am actually DATING, and it’s incredible! I’m not sure if I just took it for granted in my past relationships (backstory: I was never really in a with-standing relationship at all until I was 23, and since then I’ve been in a handful of relationship back to back), so being single as a “woman” in 2015 is a very new thing and at 30, and I’m taking my freedom very seriously. What they don’t tell you in “The Horrors of Dating for Dummies” is that being taken to dinner, is FABULOUS! Better yet, asking a guy out is even MORE fabulous (yes, I have no shame… who has time to waste really?)
I’ve gone out maybe five times in the last week (I apologize if you are one of the men I am seeing and you are finding this out via my blog post)… that being said, I am truly blown away by the quality of gentlemen I have experienced over the last month. For the record, no I’m not a whore, no I’m not sleeping with ANYBODY at all, which is sort of an odd twist to this whole dating scheme… but that’s for another blog post. I’ve become fascinated with the art of dating! Putting yourself out there. Being vulnerable and awkward and the mysteries of not really knowing how it’s all going to end up breaths excitement into my life. Which got me to thinking of all the different types of relationships and ways people approach this phenomenon. So, I took a very un-quantitative poll on my Facebook feed over how people feel about dating, and the highest response I received was that people are truly avoiding dating. Hard. Largely because of past trama, or anticipation of future drama. Too many broken hearts. Some people have been single for 5 or 10 years and aren’t trying, which blows my mind. (I’ve always been a sucker for a crush) I truly believe we were put on this earth to experience the PHYSICAL. We can do the emotional or ethereal in our dreams, in the after life, in many forms… but physical touch and communication is a very precious and taken fore-granted past-time, which I refuse to give up. Just because you’re doing YOU doesn’t mean you still can’t explore what’s out there.Just to be clear, I’m not super wrapped up in the lucidity of being taken out and doted on, but rather the idea of falling in love, to me personally, is just SO intriguing and so invigorating, I’m with the opinion that WE all have to go for it, as soon as possible, as much as possible, as many as possible, with as much love as possible before it’s too late! That being said, the idea of being a polyamorist (yes I accidentally coined that term, for the sake and because of this blog) is becoming more and more appealing. When I posed my blog research question online, I didn’t intend to focus on polyamory, but the responses certainly wanted that! Everybody had something to say about it, good or bad, but mostly in defense of the lifestyle.
“I’ve been single for a while now. It’s working out pretty well. I think I might be the one.” – Jason Buck
I used to think being single was a curse. I was terrified that I would never find someone. But then I realized, it just means that you have OPTIONS! This time around, being single is liberating as fuck! Nobody to answer to. Nobody to check in with. And while yes, nobody to cuddle…. there’s also nobody’s mess to clean up. It is a give and a take. And it just makes that first real, good kiss that much more mind blowing.
Dating is also not without it’s liberatory advantages. It’s empowering. It’s daunting, but it’s rather rewarding. Just having coffee with someone, or going to the zoo for an afternoon can be so engaging and enlightening. You never know what you’re going to learn. You never know if you’re even going to see this person again, and you don’t have to know that. You don’t HAVE to make long term plans. But for just one afternoon, your souls can connect, and go to a place nobody else will ever know. And maybe it will last a lifetime. Maybe not.
“As my beloved Aunt Dorothy said after being dumped by Uncle Marv who found another young lover, ‘There is a lot to be said for friendship and adventure.'”- Greg Patterson
Thanks Greg. I get that dating can be depressing. But maybe, if we really did tune into our own needs and taking care of ourselves, dating could be as invigorating as it used to be, because we aren’t necessarily relying on the other person to make us happy… we’re just simply having dinner and learning about one another!
Devon Taylor said: “I used to be polyamorous only between monogamous relationships… aside from one terrible open relationship that was toxic from the start. That said, after doing a lot more self-study I’m identifying as poly in a sense that I’m trying to avoid strictly monogamous relationships altogether now.” Well there’s one way to go…. to each his own, and it sounds like quite a lifestyle.
I’ve personally always been a huge hopeful romantic. One day he will just appear, and everything else will fall away, right? But until then, I fully intend to take advantage of this newfound independence by dating as many people as I can. And I will wait patiently to get laid until there is some damn chemistry, because without chemistry, there are no second dates. Call it genetics. Call it polyamory. Call us ladies “whores” if you must to justify it, but only you know how open your own heart is, and good one’s intentions can be. Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it. And please, for love’s sake, I’m not judging your relationships, try not to judge mine.
“Not really sure if I can put myself in one category. Loving myself is first and foremost. Every personal relationship is different and I’m still trying to figure it all out. Honesty about what you want out of any relationship is the best path to success” – Justin Torbol
Thank you all for your wisdom and patience. Conversation creates understanding, and it is only until we are willing to talk openly with our hearts out on the table, that we will truly begin to grow as a society in the tide of love and peace.
Precursor: Accuracy of dates and information are as reliable as my memory. Please forgive any inaccurate facts, as being ass-deep into this experience for 12 years leaves some room for misconceptions.
I attended my first Wakarusa in 2004, when I was 18. My friend told me to buy a ticket that some great bands would be there. I loved OAR and they were the headlinder, so it seemed like a reasonable experience. When my parents dropped me off at my camp site, they almost didn’t let me get out of the car. After having my eyes blown open to a culture I had known very little about, I told myself I would go every year if I could afford it, and that I would never look back.
I am often presented with the imminent wonderings of… “hey…. you’re Jewish! How does it feel!?! …. I’ve always wanted to take to a Jewish person about Judaism…I knew a Jew once….”
“So like… do you believe in heaven or hell?” is usually the next question I get.
My response: “Do you?”.
I am an artist – an entertainer in every sense of the word. I live for art. Art is why I get out of bed most days. And I don’t have a whole lot of say about it…. The impulse oozes out my pores and into my essence. I get EXCITED about organizing my jewelry box. Every thought becomes a plausible song lyric. Every open mic an opportunity to be understood. I live for craft day, okay, picking out my clothes every morning is an exciting opportunistic projection of expression. Cooking dinner turns in to Instagram masterpieces, with a slight inkwell filter. I have a tendency to turn my bedroom is a temple, with candles and sentimental shades of beauty. My bumper stickers have to say something. I live to dance and I love to sing. Sing. SING! Every moment is a chance to throw my hand up with a classy twist and a punch line (KISS) to wish you away on the ultimate ride. Tonight, I want to throw a party and invite everybody I know. Get ‘em all in one room until they are best friends and forget to even call me when they throw their own parties. When I do get invited, I’m on the guest list. Because I am an artist. In every sense of the title. In every sense of the curse. In ever sense of a blessing. I am an artist, and it’s the artist’s job, nay, DUTY, to preserve the past while creating the future, in a sense, providing comfort to those who do witness its glory. Art is like God… not understandable. not comprehendible. not really tangible. but still very powerful, if you chose to accept it and see it for what it is. I often underestimate the artistic tendencies pulsing through my DNA, I just know that I have to express this…. this… this thing. It’s art. It’s, me. And maybe you it’s you, too…. all of us, at different times in different ways get lucky and have something worthwhile to say. And this really isn’t about luck. This isn’t about entitlement. This is not my ego screaming at your ego for telling me to sit down and shut up and listen (or don’t listen) to THIS or THAT Art, no… This is an infinite-way conversation ever-evolving composite of passion ready to erupt at any time. This is not easy. This is not profitable. This isn’t an option. The question is, do you have the time to share/care? Because if not… my art will go fleetingly smooth into the night with all of the contributors who’ve come before and will ride again. Should you chose to care, about this one artist, in one moment, creating this one memory, choose to remember this:
Art, is possibly the only thing that will be left when we are gone. Let it legacize yourself, and to each his own, with honor. And don’t forget to do it with a smile… because the show will go on. Question is, would you rather be in the audience or on stage?
It’s almost hear folks! My 4th album release is coming next weekend, April 9th, 10th and 11th. We will be hitting three cities in three days on the Rhythm, Rhyme & Blues Tour, a MissConception and Matt Diamond collaboration! If you have it in your heart (and time schedule) pick a show and come out and see the magic!
The album, titled Sara-Tonin, will consist of 13 tracks designed to push the envelope in several directions. Recorded at Electric Cat Studios and produced by Little Class Records, I am thrilled to be releasing something that makes ME so happy.
Here is the lineup for the three day tour:
Vendors: Cali Roberta, Cryoflesh, Theresa Goodman
The album will be available for sale on a USB drive that will contain my entire collection (4 albums, a book, lyric sheet and videos) for $20.
Thank you so much for your support and constant inspiration. I do this because it is what I love, and I can continue doing this on a larger scale because you choose to support me. You will never know how much I love ya.
Blessings, and let’s rock!
The older I get, the harder it is to talk about the things nobody wants to talk hear. When I was younger, I would just blurt it out, uncontrollably, in any situation no matter how untactful or rash. It was unstoppable, the truth HAD to come out and I wasn’t one to stop it. It was an exciting rush to let the truth unfurl with all it’s wrath. But just because it’s true, doesn’t mean it’s nice.