Confliction- Avinu Malkeinu

Confliction. I’ve been conflicted since I can remember. It’s how I got my name, MissConception. I always wanted… both. I was raised Jewish, but we celebrated Christmas, too. I was straight, but also curious. I was sweet but also craved the dark side. I want a veggie burger, add bacon, don’t be alarmed I’m a Jew and a pagan. Controversy was something I lived for, and I relished in the fact that I could be both; break that paradigm definition regime and redefine what it means to be human. When you do that, conflict is unavoidable.

Every year around Labor Day, I run into a myriad of conflicted opportunities. Normally during this three day weekend of celebration and communion, I would be parading out at the Black Rock Dessert in Nevada, or watching my favorite band Phish at Dicks Sporting Goods Park in Denver, Colorado for three nights with 27,000 people. Or I could be at at any other major event happening around the country right before school starts. But working in Jewish education, not to mention the High Holidays usually hit right around this time, it’s not exactly the most ideal time to take a vacation.

So, yes, I’ve ben conflicted… How’s a girl supposed to go offline to commune with her family while visiting her Mecca and reset when there is SO much working to do!? And such has been most of my life. I find I’m always disappointing someone when I cannot show up for them during this sacred time of communion.

I can still feel the Jewish guilt my mother would cast my direction when I told her “if it’s Labor Day Weekend, I’m not going to be able to make it”. The weddings I’ve missed. The gigs I’ve turned down. The trips I didn’t get to go on because of the scheduling conflicts around working school calendars and synagogue life; and I HATE letting people down.

This Labor Day, I was back in my home town visiting family and it was the first time in years I’ve just “chilled”. Many of my friends were at various engagements across the country, having a great time of their 2021 lives, and instead this year I spent Labor Day weekend traveling back to California and gearing up for Rosh Hashanah.

Well, the other day my friend texted me from the Colorado Phish show asking if I knew that the band covered the Jewish prayer “Avinu Malkeinu – and what does Avinu Malkeinu even mean?” I’ll admit, I still had to look it up to be exact.

Offhand, Avinu Malkeinu means literally “our Father, our King”. It is a declaration, an ask of forgiveness and sincerity after a sweet new year paved with intention and admission. Avinu Malkeinu is a Jewish prayer recited during Jewish services during the Ten Days of Repentance, from Rosh Hashanah through Yom Kippur. During this time, we are supposed to do a deep dive into our souls, get really real with our hearts, and ask ourselves, who do I need to forgive, and who do I need to ask forgiveness from? Who have I wronged? What have I done to cause harm in this world? And how can we make it right?

Not easy questions, or answers all around, especially in a day an age when offending people left and right on Facebook is a daily occurance. Not to mention the gender inequalities around the Avinu Malkeinu male patriarchal language… (more CONFLICTION!) but the one thing I admire most about Judaism is that there is room to evolve. We love a good argument! This is what the Mishnah and Talmud are all about… talking through the laws and customs and concepts and figuring out how they still are relevant in today’s fast paced society. Even the rabbis were conflicted back in the day…. and still to this day, we continue to work through it and work it out.

In this day in age of conflicting, as a writer, I decided to take it upon myself to write my own version of Avinu Malkeinu, and I encourage you to add your own proclamations below. I’ve asked myself: “What have we done, and what are we going to do different?” I also changed the nouns and verbs to reflect my own experiences and conflictions. I changed who the prayer address and talks to, so that it’s not just God, but actually talking to each other. After all, God is everywhere and in all of us; it is a verb. I decided this year, I’m making this prayer my own.

Avinu Malkeinu

Our Father, our King, we have messed up, again and again
ah-vee-noo mahl-kay-noo chah-tah-noo lih-fah-neh-chah

Our Mother, our Queen, we have let you down
ah-vee-noo mahl-kay-noo ayn lah-noo meh-lech eh-lah ah-tah

Oh Goddess, oh Protector, we beg of you to show kindness as the face of your name
ah-vee-noo mahl-kay-noo ahh-say ee-mah-noo lih-mah-ahn shih-meh-chah

Oh Abba, our Safety, let slavery be abolished and renew our faith in each other
ah-vee-noo mahl-kay-noo bah-raych ah-lay-noo shah-nah toe-vah

Our Founders, Our leaders, remove evil from the harshness of your tongues
ah-vee-noo mahl-kay-noo bah-tail may-ahh-lay-noo kole geh-zay-rote kah-shote

Our Mothers, our Elders, mend the intentions of our enemies with compassion and friendship
ah-vee-noo mahl-kay-noo bah-tail mahch-shih-vote sone-ay-noo

Our Ima, oh Divine spirit of the wind, soften the blows of our foes
ah-vee-noo mahl-kay-noo hah-fair ahh-tzaht oy-vay-noo

My Wizards, my Lieges, wipe out all oppression and adversary from existence
ah-vee-noo mahl-kay-noo kah-lay kole tzahr oo-mahsh-teen may-ah-lay-noo

Our Seekers, our Teachers, gently close the mouths off adversity and bring kindness to our hearts
ah-vee-noo mahl-kay-noo s’tome pee-yote mahss-tee-nah-noo ooh-mih-kaht-ree-gay-noo

Our Government, our Systems, remove wickedness, sickness, hunger, entrapment, and destruction from the grooves of our framework
ah-vee-noo mahl-kay-noo kah-lay deh-ver vih-cheh-rev vih-rah-ahv oosh-vee ooh-mahsh-cheet vih-ah-vone oosh-mahd mib-nay bih-ree-teh-chah

Our Brother, Our sister of different colors and wisdoms, keep each other safe in health and sanity and humility
ah-vee-noo mahl-kay-noo mih-nah mah-gay-fah mee-nah-chah-lah-teh-chah

Our Mentors, our Muses, pardon and forgive all our flaws and faults
ah-vee-noo mahl-kay-noo s’lach oo-m’chahl lih-chole ah-voh-no-tay-noo

Our Ring master, our Creator, please blot out and remove our transgressions from our timeline
ah-vee-noo mahl-kay-noo mih-chay vih-ha-ah-vair pih-shah-ay-noo vih-chah-toe-tay-noo mee-neh-gehd ay-neh-chah 

Our Guiding Light, Adonais, erase all of our mistakes, but let the lessons lay
ah-vee-noo mahl-kay-noo mih-choke bih-rah-chah-meh-chah hah-rah-beem kole shit-ray cho-voe-tay-noo

Our Presidents and our Statesman, bring us back to community in wholehearted redemption
ah-vee-noo mahl-kay-noo hah-chah-zee-ray-noo bit-sho-vah shih-lay-mah lih-fah-neh-chah

Our Shamans, our Medicine men, send a complete healing to those who are sick, in the body, head or heart
ah-vee-noo mahl-kay-noo shih-lach rih-fooh-ahh shih-lay-mah lih-choh-lay ah-meh-chah

Our Captains, our Chiefs, dissipate the evil  of the convictions held against us
ah-vee-noo mahl-kay-noo k’rah roe-ahh gih-zahr dee-nay-noo

Our Family, our People, let God’s name be a verb, and God’s face be shown in the actions that you bring forth among humanity
ah-vee-noo mahl-kay-noo zahch-ray-noo bih-zee-kah-rone tove lih-fah-neh-chah

Now more than ever we must ground ourselves down in unity and come together, despite our conflicted agendas. United we will fall. Together, we can stand, hand in hand, and walk towards a new world.

Here’s to a New year, to showing up for yourself and your community in due time, and to embracing confliction for the better.

Love allways,

MissConfliction

Advertisement

Protected: Frog Medicine

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

“A Message is just a Mess, with Age”

“What we worship is what we become.”

What does it mean to be righteous?  To conduct oneself justifiably or in a morally right fashion?  Often we learn righteousness in the sense of religion, or from our familiars exemplifying the pathway to a successful life.   I’ve been learning about the pathway of righteousness, in all it’s many forms, in my own attempt to embody righteousness.  Here are some nuggets of wisdom that have come to me over the last month, specifically around communication organizing and spiritual awareness.  Let’s dig…

“The key to life is knowing the difference between being in a groove and being in a rut.”

It’s no secret, we have entered some sort of “dark age” on earth.  At first, I was “okay” with it, selfishly, largely due to the my privilege. I had more free time, I had a community to “suffer” together with, and I finally had some relief from living such a freakishly busy life and was able to focus on my mental health.  But the more time there is to do this, and the more we continue to navigate these trying time of isolation and loneliness, it becomes more and more clear that this is NOT easy work, especially for those who do not have the luxury to simply “focus on their own health” and instead are in jobs essential to the community.  Uprooting the (or any) given system and completely reprogramming neuro-pathways is HARD WORK, and not always clear.  So when it hit me hard the other day that I am in a word, “frustrated”, like many of us are, I tried to justify it.  One could argue we’ve always been “frustrated”, and not in a way that screams “I’m depressed and need medication”, but more in a light that shines upon all the collective evolutionary grief we face as a species.  Or maybe this is a new found frustration that has reared it’s little head in the face of a pandemic, either way, admitting we have a problem is the first step.   And the problems seem endless…

“The wound is where the light enters you “

Now my late Papa Sidney would argue that “it’s not a problem, Sara, it’s a challenge, and while we’re at it, we’re not arguing, we’re brainstorming”.  It’s all how you frame the issue he understood.  It’s also become clear to me that many of us are relying on our coping mechanisms more than ever right now; is that a problem, or a solution? One can only pray that we have taken the time to develop healthy coping skills, which is a lifetime of work.  Many people turn to faith in trying times like this, and there has never been a point in my lifetime where I have seen more and more people call upon religion or spirituality, myself included.  Lately, I’ve been praying daily, with my heart, with my mouth and with my feet. Praying with your feet is what MLK defined as Marching in Selma or showing up in Washington in the face of brutality.  God is a verb I always said (taken from Rabbi Cooper’s book God is a Verb on Kabbalah).  So what else have I found in my own spiritual path?   

My Rabbi and friend recently taught me: 

 “You cannot pray a hurricane away, but prayer can advert the pain.  It can clean your consciousness a bit.  It allows to ask how are we contributing to society in a positive way?  Prayer builds resiliency, and that’s spirituality in a nutshell.”

He also pointed out that the human spirit is capable off being resilient in all of this work, and sometimes you cannot change the result; instead it’s about the process, not just the results. 

Prayer can show us the difference between essential pain and unnecessary suffering.  So often when things are difficult and life is terrible, we think “I cannot deal with this; what did I do to deserve this?” But that is the most egotistical form of prayer of all.  One does not make demands on our greater, but rather, owns them.  We must be the change according to Buddha, which means taking responsibility for your home, your body, your temple. If you have been practicing and learning how to clean up your consciousness and how to show up for your community, while holding true to the traditions that speak to you, then you are going to find a positive path, even despite the hardship.   The Jewish faith has a whole season dedicated to this, it’s called Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, where we have our “High holy days.”  There is a difference between a holiday and a holy day in this culture, but I would argue/brainstorm that everyday should be holy. I’ve always been an optimist and a realist, to a fault.  

“It takes a lot of courage to be an optimist these days. Its easy to be a pessimist.” 

So if people who can continue to engage in life in prayerful and positive ways in finding joy are able to survive and even thrive during uncomfortable times, how can I embody this?  This is where I find myself soul searching.

Recently I was fortunate enough to take a week long virtual workshop on Social Justice and Community Organizing in a faith based environment.  What an odd marriage we have been taught that the merging of church and state is so “wrong”.   When I asked the question of how the two can be mutually inclusive, our group facilitator explain that politicians are supposed to be partisan to the people.  The word political come from the greek word polis, who gather deliverables about the concerns of the people.   She also pointed out that a parliament is called a “kenneset”, which is the same word for sanctuary in Hebrew.   It is painful obvious, there is a great rift that has been branded between spirit and business worlds, but that is not to say the two can not exist in harmony, let alone tandem.  A lot of success can come from knowing which hat you wear at the appropriate time. 

In order to make systemic change, in our public lives, we can take on different personas.  Sometimes we have to physically change our seat, our location or even change our proverbially hat, in order to foster the relationships at hand.  All of this takes TIME as much as knowledge.  It’s about building relationships in politics and in faith. As I learned,   

“Time is our most precious non-renewable resource.”

Time is POWER.  Power is to the social world what energy is to the physical world – it makes things go 

Community organizing and political action take TIME.  It requires the time to get to know your neighbors, to hear their stories, and to stand up for what’s right, knowing that they would do the same for you when the time is necessary.  Are you putting in the time?

“First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a socialist

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.”
–German Lutheran pastor Martin Niemöller

Another lesson in organizing with your community is called the “Iron rule”: don’t do for others what they can do for themselves.  Allow for people to be better than you are at a job.  Power depends upon consent, for there must consent for power to be exercised. So often we get so trapped into our habits that we forget to exercise our power respectfully.  Our “habit apathy” is what needs our attention currently… Habit apathy is when we stop at a red light, or vote for a one party ticket because it’s just what we know and have always done.  But what if we begin to question “power”, especially in the name of those who are less fortunate than us” and actually stand up for the bottom line? 

“Relationships are a better currency than money.”

In the mid-20th century, Clinton Rossiter argued that one inevitable feature of the nuclear age is the state of “chronic emergency” in which we find ourselves, in which our habits come out in full force. We will have habits; habits have us. The question is whether we will shape and form our habits to a good end that support our relationships.  And whether they will help us create coherent action both for the future of our democracy and in the time of emergency.  Are we making good choices with our health, with our finances, and with our emotions?  Do one thing every day that fosters something of this nature, even if it’s not your whole life.  We have to start somewhere to build new habits. 

“One of the greatest problems of history is that the concepts of love and power are usually contrasted as polar opposites. Love is identified with a resignation of power and power with a denial of love. What is needed is a realization that power without love is reckless and abusive and that love without power is sentimental and anemic. Power at its best is love implementing the demands of justice. Justice at its best is love correcting everything that stands against love.”
– Martin Luther King Jr

So what does it mean to truly be an ally?  In Latin, the word ally means “to bind to.”  Dictionary definition: To unite ourselves with ours to find mutually beneficial interests.  I.E.:
“We must make each other’s conditions our own.”

Because of this virus, we are more united in our suffering than ever before it seems.  This virus reminds us we are all connected.  It may be painful, it may be depressing, it may be horribly wrong, but we are all in this together now.  

State Condoleezza Rice was fond of noting that the Chinese character for “crisis” also means “opportunity.”

There is great opportunity here to intentionally create communal love, in public together, and in doing this work we move towards justice, which IS a faith based practice.  To do so in the face of politics is bold and challenging, but the bottom line is: If there is no struggle there is no progress.  

 “Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you wanted.” 

Action to the organization is like oxygen to the body. Without action or oxygen the body dies and becomes calcified  but you don’t live to breath, you breath to live.  The purpose of our lives is not to breath, it’s to live. 

And it’s not just the action we are looking for, but often the reaction we look for when facilitating change.  Recognition is super important – the first fight is for recognition in a job well done. What did we learn from this?  What should we not take personally.  Critique and evaluation is with everyone’s best interest in mind has to be built on trust and fairness when creating action.  We may forget that bad rehearsals can lead to a good action.  Our mistakes can lead us to our style.  And, there is almost as much power in silence as in action, at the right time. 

“If you are going to poke the bear you better be prepared to feed him.”

So what are our motivations to facilitate change currently, and how can we deploy them?

Many people are motivated in anger right now, and that’s okay, when funneled properly.  The word anger comes from the norse word: ANG: meaning grief or loss 

Anger is a secondary emotion in the mental health world. What is underneath anger is usually grief or loss.  When we don’t know how to act on it, we go to extremes on one hand showing apathy and depression or addiction, when on the other hand violence and aggression.  Either way, it becomes corrosive.  Anger is the mean between aggression and repression. Anger without power is impotent rage, and will destroy even the healthiest of relationships, including that with ourself. 

I’ve always been taught that the opposite ion love is not hate it’s indifference. Anger can be ruled in love. Anger must be tempered.  There is another side of anger, and that is: humor.

“Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”

So what do we do with this anger? Often times, we give it to God, whatever that source of light means for you.  And/or we can take our to our institutions when we are angry enough and channel it properly, asking, “what are we going to do about this, together?“

“Our institutions represent inheritances of valued purpose with attendant rules and obligations.”
–Hugh Helco, On Thinking Institutionally 

Institutions have a mission based on values, and a mission is at the heart of our institutions.  What institutions do you regularly visit and are they filling their missions?  When was a time when your institution was there for you?  When did they fail you?  Right now, there is a great need for people who care about their intuitions who are angry enough they are willing to agitate within the system; bottom line: we are stronger together. I encourage you, to find your institution, and to run with it.

In Conclusion: “Action is a cure for anxiety and kindness is intelligence shown.”

I’d like to think these hard times are just instilling us with the lessons we will need to be successful later in life.  RESILIENCY is the buzzword. We will get through this.  Life will go on marching right across your face. We are but ants on a rock of carbon, and yet we feel so much.  I don’t know much, I just repeat what I’ve been told that seems worthwhile, and I hope that there was some gem within my nuggets of learning that speaks to you and allows you to continue with your head up high and stand by your neighbors side with integrity and justice as our backbone.  

Much love always,
Sara Nicole Glass aka: MissConception 

“If you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.” Paulo Coelho

There are Many Keys to Unlocking the Doors of Happiness

What is the key to being happy during a pandemic you ask? When you’re sick of reality and you can’t do anything about it, where do you turn? I’ve been asking myself these questions this year as 2020 crawls by and as I reflect on my life, and the lives of my loved ones.  I can honestly say I am happier now than I have ever been, while I see so many around me living in sadness and isolation.  How is this possible? Honestly, life has never been harder or more confusing, and still I’ve never been more centered or whole despite the hardship.  So what is the key to being happy during this time? 

Don’t get me wrong, life is still challenging and full of surprises, constantly. Obviously the world is in turmoil and at a breaking point.  People are struggling like never before.  The pain and injustice is real.  But with all of that pain comes a wake-up call like humanity has never experienced before.  Not only is our technology on the precipice of pushing the the future envelope, but so are our emotions and human connections.   The question is, are we tuned into them and open to the changes? 

2020 has served as a marker, a reality check that is forcing us all to take a long hard look in the mirror and go “what is wrong in this life and what can I realistically do about it”?

In order to fix your life, you first have to acknowledge what isn’t working. You have to get really clear on the reality of your world.  Are you in healthy relationships? Are you eating right? Are you treating your body well? Are you getting exercise and is there balance in your life?  Are you settling for less?  If there answer is no, then there is much work to do.

If YOU are not putting in the work to make YOUR life flourish, then DO SOMETHING!  This means reading, educating yourself, learning new recipes, and upping your game.  Invest in a new hobby or school, or seek out new friendships if you’re lacking there. Complacency is a sure fire road to despair.  

I’ve asked some of my network what is the trick to staying happy during this time. These are a few of the answers that I got back:

“But staying centered and calm. You can get out and soak up Nature. You can nurture new Creative directions. You can spread Kindness, Laughter, and Wisdom. There are so many things to explore and learn from instead of choosing anxiety and being bored.” – David Harvey.

Atrina Lovekins says, “Recognizing that happiness is a fleeting feeling that you can only recognize when compared to sadness. So instead of seeking “happy”, I seek “satisfied”, “relaxed, and “hopeful”; and make an active effort to recognize the more “negative” feelings as being required for that thing called “happiness”, and just wait for those moments to pass. Because they do. Everything is temporary.”

I’ve been saying to my friends who inquire about my attitude, that if you are not happy right now in your bubble, then it’s time to change your bubble. So often we get so comfortable in the familiar, that we forget that with a little hard work, life could be radically different. Why settle?

Getting ultra comfortable in the uncomfortable right now is where it’s at, and is the first key to being honestly happy.  Being HONEST with yourself will be your greatest tool in this process.  It’s okay to be depressed and sad and unhappy. It’s not okay to do nothing about it.

Start with a list of all of the things that bring you joy:  Protesting, dancing, eating food, music, reading, writing, research, electronics, weed, cooking, teaching, children, dogs, dancing, music, nature, spirit… 

Next, pick something everyday to spend five minutes on that you enjoy. Maybe longer, but at the least, five minutes! Start there.

Now sure, you might say “but I am broke I don’t have any money”, however there are lots of things you can do that don’t require money; just a little creativity. There are lots of ways to get around doing activities without spending anything. See a thing you want but can’t afford? See if you can volunteer or write the company and just ask.  Tweet at them and see what happens. You never know what lines you are going to catch when you cast.  Another thing about money most people don’t realize is that when you have more money, you just have more problems.  The problems are not the same as having no money, but certainly more money doesn’t equal less problems.  The problems are just different. 

And sure there are still some days that I don’t get out of bed, eat chocolate, watch Netflix, use up some sick days and IRON IT OUT.  Sometimes you HAVE to go inside to recharge.  What an incredible opportunity to be able to focus on mental health right now!  Are you taking advantage of it?  

One trick I’ve discovered is to find the right song to wake up to and use that as your alarm clock.  Let the technology work for you!  Put some ritual into your life. I have made it my mission to talk to the moon, not only daily if possible, but certainly at the new moon I call in new energy, and on the full moon I let old shit go.   If you think of the moon like a microphone; like an amplifier that magnifies whatever you put into it, and then talk to it regularly like a good friend; like you would like to your ancestors or to God. Remember, the universe does not recognize “what” or “not”. For example, you don’t say “I don’t want to be fat”, you say “I want to be healthy and slim and fit and feel good in my body.”  We also must be as in love with the divine yes as the divine no. You put it out there and let it unfold.  If you are not trying this religiously and with conviction, then you may never know how powerful you really are!

Magic is really just alchemy; it is the combining of human life with molecular and biological tools to strengthen our innate powers, and we are powerful beings of consciousness. Don’t let it go untapped.  A little bit of plant medicine can go a long with when shaping your state of mind and life force. 

An additional and final way I’ve discovered to bring joy into your life is to start bringing joy into the lives of others.  Give it all away with a good attitude. Somebody will notice, but that’s not even the point. Give freely without expectation of return.  We get what we put out there back ten fold.  Let it multiply!

Who gets to be happy during a pandemic you ask? Those that choose to be.  

So find something that makes you happy and do that. 

Even if it kills you.

Love,

MissConcept

We are all just one big network of aligned minds pushing the envelope of consciousness forward.  Be about it!

Artistry

I’ve learned a few techniques in interacting with others that involves asking questions in order to connect. Rather than just posting on my feed, “I love to eat clams”, I ask the community, “what are your favorite foods” and the answers that I get back are astoundingly honest and interesting. In using this technique applied to doing any kind of research and in connecting with people deeply, I noticed, that rarely do I answer my own questions.

So when I asked my community a few months ago a tough question, I thought to myself, maybe it’s time I start answering honestly.

I asked my readers, “are you leaning into your vices, or abstaining from them?” online, and I got back a mixed bag of fascinating answers. I don’t even know how myself could honestly answer that, because it’s a lot of both in reality.

My self control tends to come and go as she pleases, without proper timing or reason. I freeze in the most gawd awful dream scapes, and when I awake, what’s left in it’s wake isn’t always pretty. I often shake my sense of self control silly, and oh boy, is she witty! She can talk herself out of any pity party or throw her own damn ball when called upon, real pitiful. Willfully, only sometimes reliable, but who’s counting wrongs or rights? She’s a fighter. She’ll cut her teeth on a short knife, and then blame it on her inner freak’s wife. She’s is also weak, my self control. She’s been known to blow her whole roll right away just for show, because yes it’s best to blow your load early then not at all right? Except in maybe in hindsight. Whatever I did last night, sometimes I don’t even want to know myself. My self control coulda shoulda woulda got drunk and drove straight to hell, speeding down the lonely streets of inside my mind. For the hundredth time, I tell you, my self control has come and gone out of line be design. And honestly, I don’t mind a bit. That’s some true shit.

Funny things about playing with fire and creativity, is that is you don’t always know when creativity is going to strike, like lightening, fleeting in the night . Capturing the quantum can be incredibly risky. Going out on a limb, isn’t always safe. And whistleblowing, comes with a price if you’re not cafeful.

That’s part of this new paradigm we live in, adjusting to the now, and the immediate hours before us. Our lives have been reduced to a day-by-day mentality. Where as we used to plan for weeks, or months or even years out, we now are a slave to our daily routines. “What are you eating today” is a big concern, and “what food do we have for the next few meals? What project can I realistically tackle? What emails need to be checked? What conversations need to be had? What does my soul need to thrive?” Hopefully these questions are being asked and answered regularly for tou. Planning for your wedding, or next month’s vacation, or next weeks drinks and dancing, has become obsolete.

As service industry employees are struggling to make themselves essential by switching careers or adapting resources such as food, alcohol and needs of the community, others in simple positions such as gas station attendees and grocery store employees suddenly have the most crucial role in society. The working from home crowd is overly taxed and full of guilt for complaining about it, while the unemployed continue struggle. Everyone is hurting.

Really not much has changed: The poor are still poor and miserable. The rich are still ignorant and thoughtless. Meanwhile, anyone who isn’t tied to their zoom screen all day such us retirees or stay at home moms suddenly find themselves with more learning opportunities virtually then ever before, an introvert dream. Are hair salons essential, or are bowling alleys? Who’s to really say? And where does the line of “essential to mental health” get drawn? To each his own, and a nation is divided even more.

And then theres the artists, who are all drooling at the mouth to make themselves relevant and prove themselves worthy during this pandemic, if not on the interwebs, at least to themselves. It’s the artist’s job to interpret a crisis and make it palatable someone once told me in a dream. Someone compared being an artist in their reality to the likes of trying to paint a masterpiece while on spin cycle. Lots of hot air in blowing off steam. The limitations in art of improv and freestyle is that statistically it is half genius and half terrible. Hit or miss is what you get when you’re being real, and in a culture that values snap judgement short tempered attention spans, it’s become nearly impossible to succeed. But by whose standards?

The artist is merely trying to connect it’s viewers… to something outside of them selves, something bigger than any one person. What do we do when our art that is designed to unite starts to divide? It’s like we are all looking for a reason to disagree and prove a point wrong.

What is this human drive that facilitates our strong need to be right? What’s wrong with being wrong? Nothing. It’s forgiving the wrongdoings that is are the hard part.

What do we do when we can’t forgive ourselves let alone others?

We make art. We take the negative and turn it at the least into something palitable and maybe even interesting, if not something beautiful.

Professor Nightlife Jones taught me that we each make a choice… to be an artist, or to be a cog in the machine of the rat race. If you choose the path of the artist, you will never be a cog, and you will spend your life trying to entertain cogs and gears so that you can eat. It will be challenging, it will be grueling, it will be rewarding as hell; you will be anything but bored, and at the same time, you will remain underpaid and overworked most of your life. If you choose the life of a gear in the machine, you will spend every working moment miserable and bored out of your mind. You will work 9-5, 40 hours a week plus overtime to then spend every free waking moment trying to forget and tune out the monotony. You will rely on the artists and athletes who choose the other path for your entertainment, to make the machine bearable. It will be challenging, it will be grueling, and hopefully rewarding as hell at times. Both have definite pros and cons of all works. Both are a destiny.

From the Bible we can infer that the original sin was actually learning how to sin itself. We are all given the choice… do we want to eat from the tree of knowledge of good an evil? Or do we want to remain in paradise where everything is easy and simple. Do we want to understand the nature of ourselves, or is it too hard?

We’ve come full circle. Nows the time to choose for yourself. Both lifestyles carry equal weight. We need both to survive and if we are lucky, we may even be able to take turns someday.

The only thing constant is change these days. Shape it.

Love,
MissComposition

Radio Silence

Are you paying attention?

We all saw this coming. We’ve dreamed about it our whole lives. Blockbuster movies tried to articulate what it might be like. Right now, the whole world on standby with no sight in end. Deaths and mystery viruses swirl around, and martial law looming in the distance. 

We KNEW it would happen! And still we are so unprepared.

We are being forced to change; forced to get creative. We are being forced to face our vices. We are forced to face OURSELVES and yes, it is uncomfortable.

We have free time in the world right now, meaning we can pretty much do whatever we want!

We are being give the space to recreate ourselves in the void of nothingness.

This is the stuff books are made of, bibles are written. New code of laws and ethics are developed. This is a completely new ways of relating and defining community.

I’d like to point out that being OVERLY positive during this time doesn’t always help, because the “positives” don’t always apply to everyone. Some people aren’t luxuriously working from home and stocking up on groceries. Some are totally out of work and can’t afford groceries let alone health insurance, with little relief on the horizon. Sensitivity is being forced from all directions and for why? To punish us?


Or is it possible, that this is a gift? We can and should use this time to get really clear about what YOU want your life to look like. No limitations. Where do you live. How do you eat? Where do you commune or dance or play or pray. What brings you joy? And where is joy needed most right now?

Maybe this is happening to teach us how to speak kindly to our loved ones. How to get along with our communities. To help where needed without question

All in all, it’s a fact that we ALL needed a break . We need to lesson our dependency on money and on the system; the broken system.

Nobody is going to starve. Yes some people are going to die and it’s horrible. But we are going to do our damnedest to take care of each other because that’s what we do: We Pay Attention.

So pay attention to your fears, your needs, your community, and to all of the sub conscious thoughts running on idle as we go about our days. Make little changes. Grab each new habit by the balls and make it your bitch.

Pay attention to what you are paying attention to and shape it.

And don’t forget to call me to check in!

Love, 
Miss Coronaception

Hair Piece

“Haters mean you’re doing something right, right?”

It’s funny how often I feel misunderstood… I think we all do. When I choose the name MissConception as an artist alias, the WHOLE idea was that I was to exist as a means of bridging the gap between the understandable and the unexplainable. To walk that scary line between equality and injustice; I am the oxymoron, and often people do not like what they cannot understand.

It has been brought to my attention that an angry person has been saying unkind and unjust things about my character, my intentions, and last of all, my hair, so I wanted to take an opportunity to break down a few things, ya know, for the record.

For starters, I fell in love with the women’s hair industry in 2009 when the documentary “Good Hair” by Chris Rock came out and I thought, WOW, I never knew hair could be so artistic! I had always been eccentric with my look, and as a performance artist, I often regularly braided in feathers and ribbons to add flair. When a friend of mind who braided African hair styles offered to braid my hair properly, I jumped at the opportunity and thus began my LOVE and adoration for the weave. I’ve tried many different styles, box braids, crochet, dreads (yes, real ones!) and have come to prefer cornrows with braided in lock extensions over any other hairstyle. It is truly a LUXURY that only occasionally do I treat myself to, and has brought upon a whole new level of awareness about hair and style for me.

I Am Not My Hair – India Arie feat. Akon

Every time I see another person with a weave I get a little giggly inside. “Does she like my hair? Does she hate it? Do I look stupid? Does she know?? She must know. SHE looks like a GODDESS! Am I pissing people off by having my hair done? Is it a ‘waste of money’? It sure makes me feel like a million dollars fabulous. Confidence is key right, especially in the events industry. Oh yes, it is itchy, I’m glad you asked…”. All of these things go through my mind daily when battling insecurities, those of your own are usually too much to bare, let alone an outsider offering their critical scrutiny.

But do I complain? No. Do I dismiss those that do not understand my look or style? NO. Do I seek to understand and spread understanding around what it means to be an artist in the modern world, explaining that IT’S OK to adopt other styles and techniques that work for you, as long as it’s done with integrity and respect? YES. The goal is to keep the conversation going, and if that’s what my hair is doing, even for small minds, so be it.

When I have my weave, I feel MORE like me than any other hair style I’ve ever had, and that to me is a blessing to feel that comfortable in my own skin; skin that is so often admonished and debated, wether or not my skin has “permission” to wear or say or do anything – is of no one else’s right to determine.

I love the African American hair braiding industry and I am happy to support that culture financially and artistically. I hardly even GET my hair cut and cringe at the idea of $100 hair cut and dyes, but I’m thrilled to give my money to someone who creates a work of art.

I do hope that I am not offending anyone with my display of creativity and freedom, but rather am inspiring others to do what makes them happy to. Learn about the intention. Learn about the history and then respectfully pay tribute to past creators, … As with anything that walks that line of appropriation, as long as it’s done out of kindness and understanding and not vengeance, there is at the least room for a dialogue.

So, to the women who called me a “clout hound (had to look that one up) pretty cringe person who’s insisting on being a white girl with box braids dreads,” I say to you, on the record:

I will continue to braid my hair when appropriate, to enjoy it and bask in the glow of feeling fabulous, confident and content in my own skin, if ONLY so that I may be an example for you and others on how to love yourself UNCONDITIONALLY while not giving a flying FUCK about what anyone else thinks. Thanks for the inspiration. THIS is why I make art. And I hope that you can find some peace in your heart for that which you do not understand. Our world literally DEPENDS on this.

Poetry for Personal Power 2012 “Hair Piece” Spoken Word Piece:



“Honoring culture and where we each came from. Because some of our evolution as a people involves choosing what works for each of us and what doesn’t.“

Love allways,
MissDreamWeaver

Burning Manners

When someone asks you “what’s your favorite city”, you can bet your bottom dollar that anybody who has ever been to Burning Man undoubtedly will come out with “Black Rock City, is my favorite city”.   Anyone who disagrees, I’m guessing that it USED to be their favorite city, and then the cultural direction shifted.  Now what? 

Oh, how we let our cities define us.  The culture we create is directly and deeply interwoven with each city’s unique personality, as in any culture or group of people.  We used to have our culture and communities be the focal point from which to dictate our whole lives and interactions.  Ceremonies and celebrations were timed by the moon and nature’s seasonal flow.  Our communities WERE our education systems, our entertainment forms, and the workforce.  WE were the ECONOMY… the economy didn’t define us.  

Fast forward to 2019, we couldn’t be further away from that model of life.  They say that a tribe usually consists of about 256 people.  That’s how many people one person actively keep track of, sincerely.   5,000 is the friends limit on Facebook, and to be honest I don’t know who most of you are anyway.  Staying in touch has become so impersonal, we tend to fill up our cups with meaningless banter and scroll-past memes mores than genuine human interaction, whereas at Burning Man, it’s quite the opposite.  The emphasis is on the human interaction and not so much on their credibility (who you are and where you’re from).  The truly ironic thing about living in the Bay Area, which so happens to be the headquarters of the Burning Man office and social climate, is that we’re surrounded by all this culture, but there’s very little real community.  There’s no village, no hub, no center camp for which to commune.  And that’s making it really difficult for millennials (and everyone else dare I say) to make friends and have a life outside of work, let alone raise children.

I want my “Cheers” damnit.  I want my village.  My vibe tribe. I want my center camp at which to commune twice a day.  I want to build a new city, and one that doesn’t have to go away after ten days. 

Co-creating, the ultimate mission, is our lot in life.  At Burning Man, everything is in a constant state of creation; of evolution.  Art, is how you create culture and evolve it.  Inventing new concepts and revisiting the old.  Rewriting the rules as we see fit.  Why not? If gravity changed, wouldn’t you adjust as best you could?  One could say that the same thing is happening with evolution itself…it’s moving faster than we can document or understand, and possibly moving us back towards old ways of life. That is hard to suppress or make sense of for some of us.  Sure, some people would prefer to stay ignorant and “asleep”, while the rest of us, are slowly waking you up.   Which life are you living? 

It’s no secret, Burning Man is on the forefront of creating and defining culture, in a new sense. Like a quantum particle, always changing, always desecrating and then recreating itself different and better; we have continued to ebb and flow with the changing dynamic that is human existence.  Now, our mission is to change the culture. 

So what exactly does it mean to change the culture?  To push the envelope of precipice?  To actively seek out the new and refine it, while still relating to the old…. It’s quite a lot to carry, that’s for sure.  Especially when met with so much resistance.  

The Ten Principles of Burning Man have helped us understand what it means to be a part of a culture and to change it.  That can look like simply participating, actively or showing up, even for the messy part. It can mean being self-reliant and self-expressive, even at the expense of being misunderstood .  It means taking chances where no one said it was possible; isn’t that what we are all here to do?  

Speaking of the impossible, in the Bay Area community, many reflect upon the somewhat recently shattered communities: Ghost Ship and Paradise Fire.  Here we saw very vibrant cohabitation brought down to nothing but ash.  The community took action.  A few months later, FEMA “stepped in” to ASK some of the active Burners Without Borders leaders and for advice. “What do we do?” they asked. With no money and no resources. “Help.”  There’s more to that story I don’t know all the details, but it sets the stage for our collective power and wisdom that could be the change many of us are seeking, if we are brave enough to face it.  When there is a task to do, Burners can figure it out and get it done; and then light it on fire if need be.  

It’s a delicate place to be. Abiding by our principles, we have to be careful not to exclude anybody or anything.  Where does that leave us when people mess up or disagree?   Perhaps it’s possible to shift what change looks like:

Let’s take the Tenderloin district in San Francisco’s downtown. Some say the Tenderloin got it’s name because street dwellers and slingers used to bribe the San Francisco police department with steaks and other cuts of meat in order for them to keep their mouths shut and turn a blind eye.  (How do you even fact check this? I didn’t; it’s too funny)

Today, walking through the Tenderloin is like walking through the worst horror movie ever written.  It’s a living nightmare.  I was driving through the streets a few weeks ago and I saw a lively dark skinned man shaking a paint can vigorously with a large group around him.  I looked closer, expecting to see him huffing paint, but as the moment passed I could see he was indeed spray painting on the wall behind him, telling stories to go with the motions.  People gathered round and listened with interest and desire for human interaction written on their faces and I thought to myself,  “THAT is how you change the culture.  With art. You rewrite the stories with new lessons, and the art is what allows people to HEAR those messages”  

So what if Burning Man is holding the spray can, or the paint brush?  What if it’s our turn to rewrite this story of love and kindness and truth?  What if we could teach the world how to live together in peace in tribes? How to share and learn from each other and live with art and fun as our focus instead of fear and anger. 

Burning Man is no stranger to art.  But how do we harness the art? What ARE we trying to say?  Personally, what are the conversations we need to have in our lives to deal with our criticisms and understand the other side?  We cannot keep going down this anti-global-warming rabbit hole for a second longer.  

If I have learned a few things about my time with Burning Man and developing my own leadership skills around community organizing, I can say this: Don’t start the fight if you’re not willing to be the bigger person.  Don’t let the need to be right over shadow the desire to get along.

“Being offended should always be the beginning of a conversation, not the end of it,” Said Jamie Dewolf of Tourettes Without Regrets, the legendary variety show in Oakland, CA.

And I am here, to piss you off.  To challenge you. In order to push the envelope, we must first open it!

My grandfather always told me, “we’re not arguing, we are brainstorming”.  

So, let the brainstorms begin.  And the action to follow.  Tell me, what are you purveying?

MissConiption

In a year’s time.

It ebbs and flows, the nature of all systems. After being stuck in a rut for the past, oh, one to six years dare I say, it appears this month I’ve begun to blossom back into the highly creative functioning state I’m used to, which is a blessing and a bit of an OCD curse. This energy and attitude is light years improvement from where I’ve come from on this past ride around the sun, and what a year it has been. This city chose me thankfully and didn’t spit me back out, yet. I’ve been here for close to a year, it’s mindful to think about what can and cannot happen in a year. What you can accomplish; what you can leave. Where you’re stuck or where you’re wasting your time, or better yet, growing. 


You get 52 weekends. 110 free evenings to pick and choose as you please. A handful of weekday excursions or yoga classes and how many grocery store runs? How many bonfires? Stolen Glances? Surprise sunrise relationships… Which lead to how many interactions? Countless. Thousands. Millions of ripples exhaling sometimes all at once around you. 365 nights to dream. Three hundred and something showers. So many plane rides, some of us more than the others. Never enough kisses, universally. But enough to get by. For now.

Ahhh, the power of love. 



It’s true, I have fallen in love with life again, with myself and maybe a few other souls, too. And just as much as I’ve loved I’ve lost. They go hand in hand. I’ve also been too hard on myself. Judging. Cringing. Overlooking. I’ve been uninhibited, for better or worse. Letting it all hang out. And I’ve been shut down. Deeply sad and unhinged at times. 

While, I am fullfilled in my heart, I’ve never been fulfilled to the brink of complete comfort. On the brink of utter extinction. My life is a paycheck or accident away from righteous ruin. Seconds away from accidents on highways of life paved with good intentions and bad decisions. Every choice I’ve made came with a consequence. Now I’m just enjoying the ride. It’s too late to change trajectories without great disturbance. Don’t risk derailment. And I’ve started to rather enjoy this rhythm, despite how far up and down it can go. You can’t feel it all without choosing it all, and I chose to feel everything. My path has been a rough ride, though not nearly as tough as many others. I asked for this. I fought for it. And now it is my truth. Undeniable. Sometimes unreliable. Sometimes criable. I have been blessed with truth. 



Still, the glass is half full, or half empty depending on the day. I’m half full and half empty, on the regular. Most days it’s a lot of both. So much gladness and so much pain all the the same time, it’s hard to refrain from being angry, or depressed and having the best night of your life at the same time. Take another shot of medicine and hope for the best. Dance. Think about Trying to clean up our mess. Make something into a better place, even if it’s just our minds, temporarily. I surrender.



As I come more and more into orbit with my own essence and flavor, it becomes apparent that while I can see my own gifts and strengths loud and clear, I cannot exactly define them, or explain them with any sense of logic or reasonable defense. It a true phenomena. The unexplainable things I have seen. My faith is blind. And yet I see this path so clearly; I must blaze on, this mission or calling or whatever the fuck this mission is that haunts me at night. My eyes are open. My heart Is open. I would never wish to unsee, no matter how grotesque or surreal.



To be truly elated to be alive and to have had another year gone by with some obvious perspective shifts, and at the same time to be so alone is one of the hardest juxtapositions to face, and yet it builds strength. Character is told over time and time will read true on your face, dimples and pock marks in all. 



While my scars define me… For the first time in 8 years probably I feel like I am moving back into alignment with my true being. This time, I’m going to try and own it. Not fuck it up. And not care what anyone else thinks. Especially not give my power and attention away to anyone who isn’t reciprocating in a healthy way. 



I do want to always be sure to give thanks to my guides and teachers of wisdom, who have led me by the hand oh so bravely into the darkness in order to spread light.

Ok that note, If YOU ever need to someone to guide the way for you, be it through emotional or physical or spiritual journeying, may I be so honored to pay that light forward.


Sometimes, in order to answer your own question, all you need to do is ask.

MissComeOn

This Just In-and-Out Magic Music Revue

This post is dedicated to all the rail riders out there. You know who you are. 

Over the years I feel as though I’ve become a bit of a jaded, music snob, almost proudly so.  I found my tastes, explored them, and am fairly certain I know what I like. I don’t want to go listen to some random rock band that practices in their moms garage anymore, or some undereducated over-hyphed freshman DJ that just discovered Serato. I want quality.  I want to dance. I want my jams. And I want to get home by midnight.

Coming from the Midwest and having spend some significant months in California as of late, the music scene has been a pivotal point of interest for me.  I promote, I perform, I work production. I LOVE to dance!  People notice when you show up, which has afforded me to participate at some very highly sought out events and venues.  Working your ass off in an industry that’s thankless is worth the heart and sweat you put in, though sometimes thankless.  Needless to say, there is nothing quite like being put on the guest list.  I love the nightlife.  I live for the music industry, in so many ways.

But this blog is not to brag or complain, merely to admire… admiration for the classy, yet simple tastes of many Californians; it is to be heralded and humbling, coming from a Kansas Girl.  The songs out here that have taken center stage in my field of noticeable discretion are interesting in all kinds of ways.

Turning the dial on the radio station happens to be one of my favorite activities over the years, and it never fails to entertain my tired eyes and ears.  Random little tastes of classic rock, weather reports and christian gangster rap songs that I would never even know to look up is quite amusing.  And there is something so powerful about knowing you are listening to the same song with hundreds, maybe thousands of others.  All singing along.  All feeling those feels.  There’s power in inclusion.  No two harmonies ever the same.

I will say that cruising around the Bay Area, sun roof open, heated seats on, listening to songs old and new, has brought me a sense of comfort that would digest most.  Spending time in the car is not an optimal way to pass time, however for me, my car has been my home for three years, and these songs, have been the soundtrack to my life.  Both the car and the music are a point of nostalgia, that is intragal to any positive musical experience.

Now, let me share with you, that almost every single day, I hear at least one, if not two of the following song selections, and sometimes I hear them all every day.  These songs are played constantly, and it still surprises me that THESE are the anthems of the California nation:

1. Truly Madly Deeply by Savage Garden
2. YEAH by Nelly
3. California Love (goes without saying)
4. Anything by Michael Jackson

Oh, and lately I’ve been getting a lot of Betty Davis Eyes, which is ridiculous, being that its just about my favorite song, and it can’t be THAT popular of a tune?

In other news, the other night I attended a 30-man a’capella men’s choir called The Conspiracy of Beards, who performed all Leonard Cohn songs and what a delight! #towerofsong After that I hopped by the Boom Boom Room Hip Hop Open Mic ROTC Cypher, in which I did NOT yet have the balls to jump on the mic, but I feel like we’re getting closer, me and my alternate rapper personas.  I was also blessed by The Funk Hunters live electronic act last weekend, and am heading to get Shpongled by Alex Grey and the family tonight, so all in all things are looking up musically (except for the Nelly song #furreal).

As I get older, I feel less and less inclined to seek out good music (you can’t tell, can you?) and more inclined to stay home and rest in my own gravity.  The music finds me, I don’t have to chase it.  Couchella is looking really good right about now.  I spend more time avoiding bad music than I do seeking out the good.  It’s almost April, and I still feel like the nation is hibernating from the cruelties of winter.  I don’t want to get out of bed; this too shall pass.  And I am okay with going within to find my own muse again, the music on my heart.

On that note, I am working on another album compilation entitled: Ceremony.  No plans on release.  Working out the details, non-the-less on paper, despite some lite depression and misconduct.  Music still has the power to heal, so that’s what we’ll do.

Take for instance, The Flashbulb’s performance at the Community School of Music and Arts Electronic Festival in Mountain View last week was absolutely stunning.  Truly an artist of multi-magnitudes, his music washed over the audience members in waves of perfect harmonies and sound waves, like tuning forks.  Benn Jordan never ceases to amaze.

The evolution of my own knowledge of the history of music and my own music career has always remained a cosmic mystery; a fortunate accident, serendipitous as a hurricane. I merely have stumbled upon some of what I consider to be some of the strangest, most entertaining and healing forces of nature and nature, at least for me.  We, as a species, have mastered the language and coding of the universe for artistic freestyle and play. What better way to turn life into a song, then to just start singing along.

Well there you have it, the latest musical weather report via my small brain.  In-and-out and sometimes upside-down, it’s never a dull moment here in the mind of a MissConception.  Let’s rap about it? Post your own favorite musing below.

Ciao for now darlings,

MissC

                                               www.themissconception.com