Weight a damn minute!

It’s weird how creativity comes and goes when it pleases.  I haven’t been called to write anything in ages and all of a sudden my muse takes me by the hold and demands I deep dive to unpack say what ….. big reveal: DEPRESSION.  What else is there to talk about in 2023? Depression and all that comes with it. Oy to the Vey. Okay.

But depression isn’t obvious. Instead, what do people tend to notice?  Not the gray in your eyes, or your lack of attendance at current events, nor your absence posting online.  They say: 

“Wow, you look great! How’d you get so skinny? What’s your secret?”

So I’ll say it again for the people in back. DepressiON. It can be a blessing, and a curse. All over I see, so many people are hurting, BAD.  I see it in all different walks of life I’m entwined with.  Hell, I’m like the strongest person I know, and I’M struggling… something is really out of wack here.  Or is this just a part of getting older? Hell if I know. But I want to understand, and help others understand. So here I am, talking about it. Trying to find the right words to explain and learn and then better explain just what is amiss, and what can be done to heal.

Here’s one pro tip: When someone loses or gains weight obviously, it’s best to not comment on it or ask about it.  Surely, if they are excited about it, or it’s a good thing, they will be talking your ear off about it, without you having to ask 😉  

Now STOP calling me Shirley!  I know I know…

One could argue that what I’m really doing with writing blogs and creating content is what I’ve always radically championed, which is to push for the truth and to try to find some meaning or silver lining in the dark clouds, whatever may be raining. I have always been an optimistic realist it seems, and though I’ve become a bit more jaded as I’ve aged, my enthusiasm for a good punchline still rings true. 

But just how honest can I be these days? When you put yourself in the public eye, there’s always someone watching, and with that when you’re doing anything right comes haters; the naysayers. The people trying to bring you down. I’ve already had to walk away from a professional job to ensure my freedom to be an artist prevailed, as I felt I was being censored and silenced by community members who didn’t appreciate my large assortment of different artistic expressions. That one hurt.  I felt as though I can’t be my authentic self, in fear of “what will they think?”  I try so hard not to care… but really I probably care way too much.

Now, the older I get, the less fucks I have to give.  I mean the whole reason I moved to California was to be radical and push the envelope of creativity, not to settle for mediocrity midlife. So I make moves… I perform in burlesque shows, while at the same time continuing to work in a professional environment, and hope to maintain a healthy balance. Yes, I still teach hula hooping to children, even though I read erotic poetry on the weekends at nightclubs. And I still have rabbis and people of different circles I hold in high regard in my network.  And then there’s still my mother’s loud voice every time I post something controversially risqué online saying “what would your synagogue think?”  So I continue to weigh the ethics… what’s more important, telling the truth, or being comfortable?

Obviously my heart mind wants to scream “THE TRUTH!”, while my head is staying “stay comfortable you dummy… why are you trying to make your life harder? BE comfortable”. Honestly, I just can’t help myself but tell the truth. It’s probably all the drugs I’ve taken that have brought it out of me over the years, like a truth serum.

The truth is, I’ve been depressed for a long time. It’s why I’ve become so skinny right now. I’ve been struggling to find an appetite lately… for so many things. My mental health has been up and down, for various reasons it’s hard to pinpoint. And It’s nearly impossible to get a psych appointment right now, or to get Kaiser to take me seriously with my health.  I’m shooting blind as to how to solve not just my own medical journey, but also this global crisis, that feels like weighs on my shoulders.  Every doctor I talk to is worn out, understaffed, underpaid, and angry at the system as well. Everyone is worn out and angry about something or another.

None of this is probably news to you… from our default world collapsing to my own mental health and how it has influenced  my creative life.  I’ve been a wide open book about this, at the risk of people even challenging my mental health, saying things like “yeah you’re thriving, you’re fine… you’re not REALLY depressed”.  And while sometimes, even I think that could be true, only I know the depths of my despair that have often accompanied the highest of highs. My life is truly blessed, and I dare to say I have more moments to cherish than most. (If only I could remember half of them!)  My memory certainly isn’t what it used to be after all the intoxicantions I’ve run through my body.  More truth. More to expose… Maybe for another time. I am writing a book about it after all 😉 It’s called The Color of Fucked Up, and it’s about the Order of Operations in which an obsessive-compulsive borderline ADD addict lives their life a slave to. It’s a book about obsession really, everything from cheese to ketamine, to love and everything in between. I may never finish it, or release it, and that’s okay. I’m writing it for me.

This blog, I’ve written for me and for you, and what I want to leave you with, is this: IT IS OKAY to be depressed sometimes.  It’s okay to feel like crap and take a few days off for your mental health. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to do preventative self care and to be honest about where you’re at.  And it’s okay, to tell the truth. That’s all we can do.

May you be so blessed and free that you can be honest with yourself, let alone others who care about you.

Until next time,
MissCorrection

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Healing Feelings

“Creating all this drama while running from our trauma” Professor Nightlife Jones

“Despite all my rage, Im still just a rat in a cage!” – Jai Love

I’ve come to love the sound of the recycling jingling in and out of cans outside my bedroom window on the street below…. not because of the environmental implications, I mean, but because it sounds like home. My home, now. Life on Clement. 94118. I chose this very place, of all the towns and cities in the United States, I picked here. The Inner Richmond. Why?  Many reasons. Fate. Chance.  Coupled with my proximity to work in Tiburon at the synagogue, and for a variety of other factors involving landscape, environment, proximity and creativity, this is my home of choice.  My sanctuary. My center. The eye of my storm.   

That’s not to say I don’t doubt myself everyday. Did I make the right choice? Pick the right city? The right job? The right part of town.   I KNOW that I picked the right partner, thank goodness, and I am grateful everyday for that clarity. So why have I been so…. disillusioned?  So unhappy.  What more could I want?

Yes, I do miss my family. But I like it here. I like who I have become.  I’m not as sweet as I used to be, but much kinder and smarter, I’d like to think.  Rougher.  More careful with my energy and time and space. Protective. A mamma bear.  I work out now, sort of.  I actively DON’T eat cheese at every meal.  I don’t smoke… near as much as I used to.  I don’t weigh myself down with unnecessary bullshit and small talk with people I don’t care about.  So where are these giant waves of sadness coming from? Are they a part of me? Or maybe much bigger than me? Generations larger than I can possibly comprehend, it seems.

And I am open to it.  I asked to understand, the human condition. I remember at six-years-old asking for answers of the universe.  I read Conversations with God and the Four Agreements at an early age, and lots of other spirituality self help type books that seemed reasonably informative.   I remember adults protecting me from the truth, for the same damn reasons we protect our own hearts and tune out our own minds when it’s convenient, which is more often than not these days.  Every night we feel the need to turn the volume up or down, it seems.  To alter our current state, because reality is not pretty. 

And sure, we can blame it on mercury in retrograde, or the solar storms, or claim we are just products of our environment, and that’s nice, to put a name on it. A blame. “Survival of the fittest”, gone wrong.  Of course, I am not niave enough to think it is all outside consequences no, I am open to it being all my fault. By no means is my life perfection; though I wouldn’t have had it any other way.  The amount of beauty and joy I have been shown far outweighs and exceeds the haunting of mistakes and misdeeds, that me and those who came before have scored. Everything we know is constantly in a stage of flux and transition; growing, changing, building, maintaining.  Disruption. Creation. On repeat. New twist.  Developed plots thicken. We grow sicker. We discover a cure.  It is true, that I have grown sicker, weaker, sadder. And it has been very hard for me to admit that to myself, because once you give it power, then it changes, right? 

Upon reflecting of my past, my relationships gone wrong, friendships failed, I have grown discouraged. Though admitting your mistakes is the first step to changing the future.  Please know that if I haven’t followed through or reached out to you lately, and I was supposed to, please forgive me. Life has been like a god damn tornado. I  lived my whole life in Kansas thinking I’d never seen a tornado, until I got to San Francisco and realized that the tornado was all around me. I was the calm. 

Somehow, I’ve thrown myself out of orbit. What was once an eye is now a limb, a gust, an upheaval of old foundation crumbled to new. As I continue to stumble down this dumbfounded road, seeing new walks of life, some pristine and some soot, I recognize my own depression is a result of years of neglect and emotional instability, from my own actions but also from the gusts of wind from other storms, other atmospheres, colliding.  Exhausted.  Worn. 

The storm comes and goes, and so does my vulnerability.  As I continue to try and be as present and available to others all the while taking care of my own sanity.  I want to do more. I aim to do more.  I will not give up on doing more, for myself and for my community. 

Sometimes it is as simple as switching your medication.    

Sometimes, it’s as simple as saying something.  Speaking up. 

Saying I’m sorry if you have to.  

Admitting your truth and finding your next step. 

Sourcing the pain, so you can work on healing the wound. 

My friend taught me a learning recently. She said “Sara, you’ve been so open, you’re forgetting to protect yourself”. And then she taught me to clear.  After years of being an empath, I now am aware of the consequences of neglecting that power. 

“Thank you (insert higher being here)
for clearing all draining and negative energy chords
in all directions of time. “

» three deep breaths – then follow with «

“Thank you (insert higher being)
for shielding me with 1000 feet of silver light
in all directions of time. And so it is”

-From April King_

Ripples that we make go everywhere, in all directions. We make them constantly- some microscopic and some so big we can’t even see that it’s a wave.

I Invite you, to be careful what you put in motion, as it may not turn out like you thought. You may not even be thinking about it consciously at all. Luck is chance and fate is a game. Back and forth. Sometimes you win sometimes you loose and you don’t have to play. You choose to feel it all or feel nothing. Both have consequence. Balance is only possible with out attachment and then constant upkeep of the body soul and mind / space we occupy. None of it matters and it all matters we all could argue reasoning for both. We are that enlightened. And yet we are our own enemy. We hold each other back. We fight the way of nature. We protect what we have know we hold onto tradition and the sacred for dear life maybe for a good reason maybe not. Sometimes both. The complexities of chance and fate and intentions at work here are astronomical unpredictable. The equation is long and the ripples are strong. Waves so big you may not even notice it.

In this day of age we are all ripe and raw.  We are BOTH sides of the coin and the paradox. We are all misconceptions. We could all argue both sides of the fence. So be careful what you say and always tell the truth. If you have the facts and integrity and kindness you will come out ahead and if for no one else but yourself. Be your own karma. Don’t forget to breath through it all. I love you. I’m working it out just as you are.  Maybe you’ve learned something and have something to teach me.  Don’t hold back; please, we need your voice.

“It’s about planting a seed, letting it grow
Nourish it, flourish is, give it grow, flow,
Water it down until the roots take hold
from the leaves on the trees to our breaks get old
Cultivate relationship millions of years,
Keep it strong, erase thereof fears.
Don’t you let no producer tell you that you can’t,
Just make sure you’re careful which seeds you plant” 

-MissConception, 2009, Plantin’ a Seed-

Recycling: How To Talk Trash

Spending time in California has brought my attention to the never-ending world of consciousness, namely involving TRASH.  Not only has California mostly gotten rid of plastic bags in grocery stores, where they charge you extra to get a paper grocery bag.  It is amazing though, that  EVERYWHERE you go, there are not just one, but THREE options for trash.  You can either trash it, compost it, or recycle it.  What a beautiful thing!

Literally, almost any place there is a trash can, there are at LEAST two options (sometimes composting is left out), meaning that trash OR recycling is available just about everywhere. Raising awareness is key in a world where trash matters… but what do you do if you don’t KNOW what goes where?

I find that often, people don’t know what goes in which bin.  Are straws recyclable?  What about disposable coffee cups?  Should you throw meat in the compost?   All of these questions are valid and should be addressed so that we can better take care of our community and our planet.  I did some research, and here is what I found worth reviewing.

METALS

Always recycle foil and aluminum (duh). Make sure foil is CLEAN, or reuse it as much as you can. Consider buying 100% recycled aluminum foil. You’ll be supporting a process that uses five percent less energy than the traditional aluminum foil manufacturing process.

Always recycle steel or tin cans.  Recycling steel saves at least 75% of the energy it would take to create steel from raw materials. That’s enough energy to power 18 million homes.

PAPER

Always recycle cardboard, of course! Currently, about 70 percent of cardboard-boxes shipped commercially are recovered for recycling.

Magazines: About 45 percent of magazines are being recycled today. Recycled magazines are used to make newspaper, tissues, writing paper and paperboard. Recycling just one ton of paper saves enough energy to power the average American home for six months, so don’t be afraid to recycle your old magazines. It’s the right thing to do.

Office Paper:  Just over 45% of office paper is recovered for recycling today.  High-grade papers, such as white computer paper, bond, and letterhead, can be turned back into office paper if it’s kept separate from other waste paper. It can also be used to produce tissue paper, paperboard, stationery, magazines and other paper products.  Lower-grade papers, such as newsprint, colored paper, file stock and ground wood papers, are made into cardboard, tissues, newspaper and toilet paper.

Office Tip: If your company generates a large amount of waste paper, consider talking to your local recycling company about whether or not you should sort high-grade papers from lower-grade.

Newspaper is a fine insulator. Using recycled newspapers to produce cellulose insulation is widespread.

Newspapers, Wilderness Restoration and Roadside Planting:  Every year natural disasters destroy countless acres of wilderness. The United States Forest Service uses “hydro-mulching,” also called “hydro-seeding,” to help restore damaged areas. It’s a planting process that’s been practiced in the United States since the 1950s – and it all starts with newspapers.  Recycled newspapers are made into a fiber mulch and mixed with grass seed, fertilizer, green dye, and water to create a “slurry” that can be pumped over broad areas by pressure sprayers, airplanes or helicopters. This process is called “hydro-mulching.” It stabilizes roadside dirt for erosion control and is used to reseed grass over broad areas. Highway departments also use it to beautify roadsides by planting wildflower, tree, and shrub seeds.

Clean Paperboard: Be sure the paperboard you have is clean and free of food waste. Then recycle it.

Paper cardboard dairy and juice cartons: Also called “gable-top cartons,”these are the non-plastic milk and juice cartons you see in the refrigerated section of the supermarket.

Phone Books and Unsolicited direct mail: RECYCLE IT!

GLASS

Most glass bottles and jars produced in the United States now contain at least 27% recycled glass – which also saves on energy to produce glass made from new materials. Some glass cannot be made into other products, or doing so is not economically feasible.  Colored class can only ever be that color of glass. If your local recycler doesn’t participate in glass recycling, it’s due to the market for that glass being very small or non-existent. However, if glass recycling is available, it’s important to keep in mind as you recycle that even small amounts of some materials mixed in can contaminate entire loads. Find out more about the types of glass and how they are recycled below.

Clear glass may cause some products to degrade because of light exposure. That’s why about 39% of the glass produced is colored. Colored glass protects the container’s contents from direct sunlight, thus preserving freshness and flavor.  About 7% of glass containers produced in this country are green in color.  Some curbside programs and recycling centers take only certain colors of glass. That’s because manufacturers who buy the glass have to maintain the integrity of the color when producing new glass.

Not all glass can be recycled. The following items should not be placed into your recycling bin:

1. Any glass contaminated with stones, dirt, and food waste
2. Ceramics, such as dishware, ovenware, and decorative items.
3. Heat-resistant glass, such as Pyrex.
4. Mixed colors of broken glass.
5. Mirror or window glass.
6. Metal or plastic caps and lids.
7. Crystal.
8. Light bulbs.
9. Cathode-ray tubes (CRTs) found in some televisions and computer monitors.

PLASTICS

Does that plastic lunch container still have yesterday’s pizza in it? Don’t recycle it until it’s clean! One dirty product, or one with food waste still in it, can contaminate an entire bale, containing thousands of pounds of collected plastics. This can cause thousands of recyclable items to go to a landfill instead of being recycled. Cleanliness is essential. And do NOT RECYCLE PLASTIC BOTTLE CAPS!

Plastics come in a variety of shapes, colors and chemical formulations – all with different recycling needs. The code number does not mean the plastic can be recycled. It is simply a way to identify the resin, or plastic type. How can you tell what kinds of plastic to put into your recycling bin? The code number on the bottom of your product is not a reliable indicator of whether something can get recycled. Recycle by shape!

Bottles, jars, and jugs – is the best way to know what is accepted. Plastic grocery and produce sacks are commonly placed in recycle bins. These bags can shut down an entire recycling plant and should be kept out of our recycling bin. Plastic bags are often collected in barrels at grocery stores, and usually end up as plastic lumber.

BATTERIES AND BULBS

American households are full of items we should recycle, even if we can’t put them into our recycle bins. Car batteries, products that use household batteries, incandescent light bulbs, and new CFLs (compact fluorescent lights) are some of them. In the United States, a CFL can save over $30 in electricity costs over the lamp’s lifetime compared to an incandescent lamp. However, CFLs contain mercury, which can be harmful to humans and the environment if not disposed of properly.

Many automotive retailers will take back batteries. You can contact your local municipality to find out where to recycle lead-acid batteries. If you’re using more than about a dozen disposable batteries in a year, you could save money by switching to rechargeables. If you still have old batteries on hand that may have been manufactured before 1997, it’s likely they contain mercury. Contact your municipality for information on how to safely recycle them or go here.

ELECTRONICS

Do it properly! Electronics that are obsolete, broken, and destined for recycling or disposal are sometimes called “e-waste.” There are many chemical and mineral elements in e-waste. A circuit board contains copper, gold, silver, platinum and palladium, as well as lead. If recycled properly, this waste is a valuable source of secondary raw materials. These items include cell phones, computers, TVs and office equipment.

The following items are not commonly recycled through e-waste recycling programs. They are usually recycled through other programs. Contact your local municipality to find out how to properly dispose of them:

• Microwaves
• Smoke Alarms/Detectors
• Fire Alarms/Detectors
• Thermometers
• Large Appliances (Refrigerators, etc.)
• Non-Decontaminated Medical Equipment
• Any unit with Sludge or Liquids

Source for Above: http://www.wm.com/thinkgreen/what-can-i-recycle.jsp

Three things most people forget to recycle:
1. Plastic Wrap and  Sandwich Bags

2. Plastic Straws and Disposable Drink Cups
Most plastic straws are made of polypropylene (#5 plastic), and home recycling programs sometimes accept this type of plastic. As for to-go cups, typically all-plastic ones (like those that iced coffees are served in) are recyclable, but the waxy coated paper ones, such as soda cups from a fast-food place, are not. No matter what, be sure to check with your waste hauler to make sure it’s accepted.

3. Receipts

A good to know fact is that most gas station trash cans are ACTUALLY recycle cans, according to my good friend Andy Smith.  I’ve yet to see any information backing that up.  Bottom line, when you clean our your car make sure the recyclables go into the recycling can!

Lastly, when it comes to composting, contrary to popular belief, you CAN put meat into a compost bin (assuming it’s okay with the owner of the bin.)  The problem is that it will start to smell and attract flies and maggots (as well as neighborhoods cats and dogs possibly). It also slows down the composting process.

The more you know…

I throw things away now, and I have to stop and consciously think about WHAT is this product and WHERE should it go. Is it clean?  Is it worthy of the recycling process?  Am I doing my part to cut down on my carbon footprint?

-MissCompost

Standing with Standing Rock

We all know the sorrow and chaos that is coming forth from the situation at Standing Rock, and if you aren’t  aware, you may have some research to do.  The injustice that is taking place over sacred land and sacred water in North Dakota, during this sacred ‘holiday’ season is NOT acceptable.  As a human race, it is our duty to make sure that our voices are heard loud and clear, with respect and peaceful determination.

Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time of families coming together to express gratitude.  What terrible irony that the very land the water protectors stand on was taken from the Native Americans many years ago, who are uniting to fight so nobly for the devastating Standing Rock Pipeline situation.  Haven’t we learned our lesson, America?  We once stood for freedom… I’d like to think that core is still engrained.

As a peaceful artist, activist, and woman, I recognize this is a huge opportunity, for those on both sides of this ‘fight’ to learn, grow, evolve, and become stronger as a tribe.  I only wish I had gotten involved sooner.  At first, I thought it didn’t apply to me. Now I realize, as more and more videos surface, that NOW IS THE TIME to stand up and look injustice in the face, any face.  The hardest part, is that we may have to show some grace, even in the face of oppression.

I am asking you to strongly consider supporting the Standing Rock movement, even more than you already have.  During this Thanksgiving, Christmas time, Hanukkah, New Year, or perhaps it is just another Friday night, whatever you choose to celebrate, please, PLEASE keep in mind all of those who do not get to be with their families during these dark times.  Keep in your hearts those who perhaps do not have family to visit, or who don’t have the means to visit them.  Please remember that while you may still be out, having fun, drinking merrily, there are still people living in FEAR for their lives.

No doubt, this year has been difficult.  The following months may be even more challenging.  Guilt trips are a thing of the past, but reality checks are happening every day.  Bottom line, if you can’t give money, or can’t actually go to Standing Rock, there are other ways to help:

PICK UP THE PHONE.  Of course.  Call the North Dakota governor, Jack Dalrymple, and give him a piece of your mind (701-328-2200). Call the Morton County Sherriff’s department (701-328-8118) and the North Dakota National Guard at (701-333-2000 and tell them to stand down. Call the White House at (202-456-1111) or (202-456-1414) and tell president Obama to rescind the Army Corps of Engineers’ Permit for the Dakota Access Pipeline.   Call the executives of the companies that are building the Pipeline: Lee Hanse Executive Vice President Energy Transfer Partners, L.P. (201-403-6455; Glenn Emery Vice President Energy Transfer Partners, L.P. (202-403-6762); Michael (Cliff) Waters Lead Analyst Energy Transfer Partners, L.P. (713-989-2404).  Call the Army Corps of Engineers and demand that they reserve the permit: (202-761-5903).

Also, you can contact the 17 Banks Funding The Pipeline and withdraw your money!  Wells Fargo and U.S. Bank are two of the biggest.  “You vote with your wallet, your dollar bill is your ballot” –Wookiefoot

Some of you have already tried calling, and will find that often the mail boxes are FULL. (This is a good thing!)  So what else can we do?

The Protectors Alliance is a “unified platform and partnership effort of all signed organizations, skilled workers, producers and individuals from the global festival community.  They are working as a Alliance providing solutions in service to solidarity for front line environmental crisis and social justice conflicts.”   And chances are, you have a skill or tool that can help.

It’s getting colder.  Winterizations for the protectors is a key essential to the success of the action, and right now, you know that local organizations across the country are taking donations of blankets, warm coats, and even water proof scuba gear, etc.  Local firewood and food are also in high demand.

Please, consider becoming a conscious ally in this Indigenous movement and showing your support NOW, however that looks for you.

If all that you can do is share a video online to help perpetuate this movement, THEN THANK YOU.  Kevin Gilbertt is an excellent online live news source at Standing Rock to follow.  Digital Smoke Signals is another good resource. Unicorn Riot has been active as well.

Again, take a look at the Protectors Alliance website and see how YOU can get involved and be useful.  This is an opportunity of a lifetime, on so many levels, to make a difference for the better… for all of us.  I look at this as not just an opportunity to defend sacred water and land, but to set the standard for how we treat any an all indecencies, whether it be racism, classism, sexism, or environmentalism.

Remember, the next seven generations count on us.  It’s a group effort to enlightenment.  We will NOT sit by and watch these injustices continue to breed hate.  We WILL look this oppression in the eye and PEACEFULLY demand respect, for as long as it takes.

Last week I visited an old friend, and  we communed in our own version of prayer for the waters and fires that are disrupting any flow in this world. For that above and so below. For the waters inside our bodies and inside pipelines. A prayer for understanding and compassion, that if we can’t stop this “Black Snake”, that perhaps one day the pipes being built one day may be useful and carry clean water.  We release anger.  The days of crude oil are coming to an end. May the fires of destruction be a blessing of new growth. Earth, wind, fire and water. North, South, East and West. Together, we are powerful beyond belief.

Here is a picture of our medicine wheel:

With much respect,
MissConnection

Speaking Truth

The older I get, the harder it is to talk about the things nobody wants to talk hear.  When I was younger, I would just blurt it out, uncontrollably, in any situation no matter how untactful or rash.  It was unstoppable, the truth HAD to come out and I wasn’t one to stop it.  It was an exciting rush to let the truth unfurl with all it’s wrath.  But just because it’s true, doesn’t mean it’s nice.

These days, I’ve had to learn the hard way how to bite my tongue for the well being of everyone, but especially myself.  A sense of protection in a world where nobody wants to hear the truth, they just want to live happily ever after in their oblivion.  It’s not that I can ignore the truth… it always stares you blindly in the eye, bright as white, unable to look away as it slowly destroys your vision to a blurry hue.  The truth still sticks out like the elephant in the room.  The same one everyone refuses to talk about, but we all know it’s there.  Truth is a funny thing.  Relative.  Variable.  Depending on which side of the line you are on, the results change.  How do we know if something is true?  I am writing my truth now, but it may disagree with your truth.  Does the truth meet in the middle somewhere?

photo by: IMagery
Matt Diamond Photography
MUAH: Mandy