I used to think falling in love was the key to happiness… you think you learn every thing you need to know as a little girl… “he’ll be on a horse, just before midnight; I’ll be wearing white, and it will be happily ever after”. Right?
And then… you grow up.
Reality smacks you in the face, and if you’re paying attention, you realize that if you really want to fall in love in a HEALTHY way, you must find that happiness and love within yourself first. Quintessential, yes, just as the love itself is. A perfect mix of idealism and reality. There are no shortcuts. There’s no magic pill or perfect weight that suddenly grants you the divine agape soulmate twin flame type of love you read about in the romance novels. You do the work for you; you get to that place where you are SO ecstatic to NOT be in a shitty to relationship, to be FREE, and that’s when true love finally has the opportunity to open itself to you. Even then, it’s not a guarantee.
In the meantime, while it’s incredibly difficult to wait it out and trust yourself in this divine plane, in all actuality, if you are not madly in love with yourself, then you have no business trying to love or support another human, a partner, let alone a child. Even if it NEVER happens in this lifetime, don’t you still want to be THAT happy, that it doesn’t even matter? I do. And every day is an effort to meet myself in that place.
So many people are miserable in relationships, and also miserable alone. Loneliness is a slow death that will kill anyone’s spirit faster than it will kill a body; but what good is a body without a spirit alive? Falling in love with yourself, all the while letting go of attachment to things and places and ideas that will in theory ‘make you happy’ requires a good dose of proactivism; meaning, you’re going to have to go out and get it. You can’t sit passively and wait for love to find you. FIND yourself. I dare you.
We look at couples who have been together for years and think, “Why them? How come they get to be so happy together and in their relations? Why do they deserve it?”
First of all, if you are still thinking like that, then you’re not there, or ready. You still have work to do within loving yourself. Once you’re there, you won’t CARE who has what relationship or why they deserve it more than you.
Also, what we often fail to see are the sacrifices, or choices, one makes to be in love, truly. It requires a selfless that comes from selfishly loving yourself first; then that selfishness turns INTO selflessness for others. Loving another means not always doing exactly what you want because you’re putting someone else’s needs right up there with yours, which can look like a chore, but one that shouldn’t ever bring resentment. This applies to familiar love, and the same goes for romantic love; there comes a point when someone else’s happiness becomes just as necessary for your happiness, though not dependent on it. The second you depend on another to fill up your cup, that is the moment your cup will drain, and continue to drain, unless you re-learn to fill it up yourself. This happens on a micro and macro scale.
So, how do we will up our cups? One bite at a time. With a daily dose of self love and self care. Eventually, when you start giving yourself SO much self love, you will begin to expect it. You deserve it. You already know all the ways; don’t let it overwhelm you. Remember your worth; stop giving your power away to other people – that is never true love. YOU live in your power and in your own divine agape love. Once you’re there, then we can talk matchmaking.
Anything you would give a partner, give to yourself. Anything you would WANT from another, choose to be that. Too many people are sitting around waiting for love to find them, wondering why it isn’t happening. When was the last time you went to the gym, or got yourself a pedicure? “Money’s tight,” you say? Work out a work-trade for your local gym membership, or take up a part time job with all the free time you have not dating somebody and start saving those pennies for a well earned vacation and spa retreat. Take yourself somewhere exotic. Push yourself to harness your creativity and freedom to make the most of this trip around the sun, even if it’s alone. We are born alone. We die alone. And in the meantime, we have all of these fabulous souls to get to know and experience on a daily basis! Start inside. Work your way out by walking your talk. The only thing you’ll have to regret, is your own disappointment. Start now before it’s too late, and remember, it’s never too late to love yourself!
And Happy Valentines Day,